AndyVentures

Friday Funnies

2011-04-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Back from hiatus, here it is, you're weekly dose of all things awesome and hilarious (to me... cause it' my blog... If you find it funny or exceptional, all the better, but this is MINE and I think it's awesome so that really all that matters according to my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Keck...)I've eaten here - they're liars*(*depending on your measurements)Lesson: Learn new methods of occupying

Snippets of Overheard Breakfast Conversation

2011-04-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

Keep in mind these are just snippets, and I made absolutely none of this up... Here's a picture of the players:"How did he get two DUIs in one night? Was he was so drunk they gave him two DUIs?""I've know Fernando for four years, better than anyone else has know him, and he's never been like this, he just started acting like this again.""He's getting all these tattoos and we were supposed to be

Oh, You Crazy Grandma...

2011-04-07T09:31:00.001-07:00

Is that what these films are about? A woman who puts an extra letter on the ends of things? Is that why these films are so popular? If start having characters saying "Have a nice dayp" then can I get an overall protected five-picture deal with Warner Brothers and a cameo in Star Trek?Will knowing I can be more creative than this always hurt this much?----------------------------------------------

Wednesday-riffic

2011-02-09T11:15:00.001-08:00

Catch the fever!No, really, don't... But whatever, I don't have a clever title so this is what you get... It's come to my attention that many of you have been checking and checking and checking and checking back to hopefully find some fulfillment in life as dictated by this blog...And yes, I realize that I've been away, but really people... STAND ON YOUR OWN!Whatever...Ahem...[Segue]Speaking of

Better in 2011

2011-01-04T08:54:00.001-08:00

Some random thoughts from the mind of the awesome to start the year off right... Or, maybe just an excuse to try to get back into the habit of writing on this darned internets machine...When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's LUNAR ASSAULT... And it's not funny...It's been a really long time since "It's the End of the World As We Know It" and "We Didn't Start the Fire" - isn't

Friday Funnies

2010-12-03T08:49:00.000-08:00

So I only got a few hours sleep last night after laying awake and listening to the rain on my tin roof...It's hypnotic, you know... You just lie there and think, "Yep, this is pretty cool. Today was a good, hard day, but this is relaxing. This is nice to be warm in bed."And then you think, "CRAP, I got so caught up in listening to the rain and being relaxed after a hard day that I forgot to fall

Black Friday: Be Responsible, Don't Be A Jackhole...

2010-11-25T11:57:00.000-08:00

This is brilliant:The Davenport family pitched a pair of tents Wednesday at 10 a.m. in front of the Best Buy at Tyrone Square in St. Pete to snag deals that were still nine days away.That’s right. NINE DAYS of camping out in a Best Buy parking lot in order to save $50 on an iPod no one actually needs...Oh wait, sorry…that’s not right…Last year, they saved $1,000 on a TV. This year’s targets are

I Charmed Oprah Out Of A C-Note

2010-11-23T11:08:00.000-08:00

Some things are too good not to comment on:This is an actual news story..."Bazan said he spent the cash on booze, underwear and a steak dinner."First, how awesomely honest is that? It's like he's saying, "Yeah I'm an alcoholic? What? It's mother f-ing COLD out here!"Second, I sincerely hope the underwear, as one who can no longer wear them, was a leopard-print banana hammock.Last, did he have to

A Random Video Smattering

2010-11-22T10:33:00.001-08:00

Just a few random videos that have made cameos in my life over the last few weeks:1. Expialidocious by POGOI heard this a few weeks ago and it's been running through my head ever since... Enjoy the curse...2. Puppet Harry PotterI saw the first last Harry Potter movie on Friday night - that night I went out with my friend Emily (my resident relationship advisor) and was going to take her to HP

The English Language Can Be AMAZING

2010-11-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

I miss good newspapers like the Washington Post... I read online every day and I found these two articles the reason why I hope newspapers never go away...I wish I could write like this...Don't Touch My Junk by Charles KrauthammerAh, the airport, where modern folk heroes are made. The airport, where that inspired flight attendant did what everyone who's ever been in the spam-in-a-can crush of a

Friday Funnies

2010-11-19T12:19:00.000-08:00

And just like that thing you left untreated after your "experience" with the tranny in the back alley, I'm back...I went on hiatus with Friday Funnies to make you appreciate it more - you know, kinda like when the McRib is gone it becomes all the more delectable - and then you have a bit and realize it's a just another non-meat processed barbeque-sauce infused nuclear waste cast-off that

PICTURE BONANZA!

2010-11-15T21:29:00.000-08:00

So my sister, Brett sent me an email letting me know oh so kindly that she had to search through months and months and months and months of previous posts to find a decent picture of yours truly...Not withstanding her weird choice of time-wasting activities, I realized then that Facebook is stupid and the blog is what's really important, and I've been negligently posting pictures on stupid

To The JackHole Who Stole My iPhone:

2010-11-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

What the hell man? Seriously? Who steals from people IN CHURCH? There we were, having a nice game of volleyball, being all young single adulty and flirty like we do, and you decide that this would be a good time to rummage through my pockets and steal my stuff? Yes, I know my pants were on the sidelines and I was ten feet away playing volleyball – but here’s my

Friday Funnies

2010-09-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Hello friends...It's been a LOOOOOOOOOONG couple of weeks - we'll get more into that Monday, but for now, sit back, relax and let the smooth tones of your weekly dose of awesome we like to call Friday Funnies wash over you like a warm, cleansing bath after an all-night ad-hoc mud wresting fest...Sometimes words of wisdom come from a discarded mattress...When the robots take over, at least

100 Movie Icons (Or, How to Waste Time on Lego Figurines)

2010-08-24T15:00:00.001-07:00

So in browsing the internet today I found this - see how many you can get... I got all but 7, and confused one for another but didn't really count it... You'll see why after the picture... There are 68 total movies represented...(Click here for a biggie-sized version)I matched up all but Amelie, American Beauty, Run Lola Run, Rosemary's Baby, Metropolis, Gone with the Wind and Alien... And I

Friday Funnies...

2010-08-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here it is, folks, your

Letter Wednesday...

2010-08-18T10:28:00.000-07:00

See, I told you I would keep doing my cutsie things, even though I had a temporary and minor nervous breakdown...Dear Remote:You have one function: controlling the TV from a distance so that I do not have to get off the couch. It kind of defeats the purpose when you insist on being help seven inches away from the sensor before you'll do your job.I mean, you're called the REMOTE control - not the

The Beloit List

2010-08-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I can't remember how long ago it was when I first went to college. Actually I can - it was 1998, a whopping 12 years ago that I go onto that 747 headed first to Atlanta, then to Phoenix, Los Angeles and finally Honolulu, Hawaii, where Coach Bob Barry himself picked me up from the airport and drove me the 45 minutes to lovely Laie, on the North Shore of Oahu...Oh, and he chewed me out for those

Don't Stand In Front Of My Flamethrower: It's Very Powerful

2010-08-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy.This week is the kind of week that reminds me why I have a blog, and really what people like me do with their blogs usually. I have stopped posting adventures, I have stopped posting activities, I have stopped posting things about me in favor of cutsie ideas of what people may like and hooks to get people in: Friday Funnies, Letter Wednesday, etc...Well, I am going to

Friday Funnies...

2010-08-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Alright folks, let's get ready to plug in, inflate the giant scary devil, crank the awesome meter up to 11 and watch out for the drummer because this week's Friday Funnies are here - (Yep, that was a "Spinal Tap" reference... WHAT?!)Grambo... (in honor of "The Expendables," opening today!)Where is your God now??Ninja cat is not intimidated by the odds...Best. Backpack. EVER!Commas - they save

Letter Wednesday...

2010-08-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Milk:What ARE you?? I have spent the last 30 years being blissfully unaware of your trickery. I have enjoyed your deliciously cool and smooth vibe, but yesterday between bites of celebratory Pzookie (huge cookies with ice cream) I asked myself for the first time: "What the crap is milk actually?"I Googled you, Milk... Do you wan to know what Google told me? It told me you were a "colloidal

Letter Wednesday...

2010-08-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Pumpkin:Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin,

On Media...

2010-08-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Just a few random thoughts on some things that I've seen and heard..."Listen, I love what we're seeing in rehearsals... We're about to roll camera, so let me just give you something to think about: you're the spokesman for an extremely potent energy beverage, so just get out there ad have a moderate amount of fun... Pretend the camera is someone you don't know and don't have any strong feelings

I Bet This Is How All Writers Keep Fresh...

2010-08-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

So I've been having a slow morning - two conference calls and I'm already about to lop my own head off - so I wanted to post something...The only problem is, after two conference calls I've got nothin'... No fever, no creativity, no fire, and definitely no raptor-like sense of ferocity... You see, even my go-to dinosaur reference is lacking...Ugh...So I started wandering around my office looking

Friday Funnies...

2010-07-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay folks, today's edition of Friday Funnies actually completes my first 4/5 day post...I didn't set out this week with that goal, but did it anyway... I had my trepidation, of course, not leastly because I know all of you are quite slow, and I don't want to overstimulate you with too much hilarity/awesomeness...But so be it... This is my gift to you...And without further ado, I give you your

Survivor, Cookie Challenge and NATIONAL FREAKING LASAGNA DAY!

2010-07-29T15:39:00.001-07:00

Here are three vidoes...One is from Matt and my Survivor AuditionOne is from our annual obstacle courseOne is in honor of National Lasagna Day...I'll let you decide which is which...And for those of you who don't like videos, I have a little something just for you at the end of this post...And, just as promised... here's a picture of a bear wearing a snuggie...Boop! Plane! Acid Dingo Spit!(Yeah,

Letter Wednesday...

2010-07-28T15:36:00.001-07:00

So I have the Friday Funnies, and now I'm going to start posting a mid-week blog gimmick called "Letter Wednesday..." If you can't figure out what this is by the end of this post, please stop reading my blog (or, as you probably see it, spot earding my glob)Dear Tiny Flying Bugs:You are not nearly important enough to be present in such large numbers... I don't know what God was thinking when He

I AM THE CHAMPION

2010-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

I got this trophy from my Sunday School class on Sunday - "Best Use of Prop Comedy by a Sockless Sunday School Teacher"Awesome, right?I won that, and that made me feel good...But then I got to thinking..."Hey, Andy, you win things every day..."Does that mean I'm awesome?Probably...But it also means that I am really good at coming up with totally arbitrary challenges for myself... That's right -

Friday Funnies...

2010-07-23T09:27:00.001-07:00

Hello friends...Yes, it's been a while since I've written you, but be not dismayed - for today I make it up with a MEGA FRIDAY FUNNIES section...Does that make it all better? Does that help the ouchie?You know what? SCREW IT! This is a free service, and IF you are lucky enough to chance upon my random awesomenisity, then consider yourself the luckiest freaking person in the history of the

Friday Funnies...

2010-07-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

Well hello, friends...Those of you who were born with the awesome gene will notice that I've been absent awhile... Those without the awesome gene can go read someone else's blog...I have no excuse other than the one that rhymes with "lazy" (see what I did there? I made it so that I was too lazy to come up with a clever rhyme... I'm a genius...)At any rate, here is your official weekly dose of the

Soundtrack Inappropriate

2010-07-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

Music is a powerful mood-setting device... The addition of a soundtrack can turn an otherwise mundane activity into something... something...Well, something else...So I present to you: Soundtrack Inappropriate...This is what I do when I'm bored at work and the internet is down... July 1, 2010

(Belated) Friday Funnies

2010-06-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

So in my quest to be an award-winning super-awesome-ite, I totally got dragged down by work on Friday (I know, right...) and laundry and cleaning and forget all about you, wonderful, almost-equally-awesome folks...But despair not, for here, albeit a little late, is your weekly dose of all things awesome... And just think, come Friday there'll be more, so it's like a DOUBLE DOSE OF AWESOME! Which,

Friday Funnies...

2010-06-18T10:17:00.001-07:00

Here it is folks - your weekly dose of blog that exudes excellence from every pore and throws caution to the wind is search for an unparalleled level of awesome magnificence...Lessons From My Childhood...When you've made it to South Dakota, you're in South Dakota...Most awesomest epic kid ever...GTL: Philosophy for life...Kids: also hats...Euro Disney...Closed Captioning Helps...This is you.Now

Why I'm More Like A Penguin Than A Fish

2010-06-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

These are the things I think about while I'm on my bike riding to work...Reasons I'm Like a Penguin:I am fairly proficient at pushing myself across the snow while lying on my stomachI can make penguin soundsI can swim, but breath airMy underside is alarmingly white in the winter I sometimes walk like a penguin when I have to pee really, really badly My dad sat on

Friday Funnies...

2010-06-11T08:42:00.001-07:00

HOLY AWESOME! It's time again for pictures so supremely and stupefyingly magnificent that to not see them would feel like dying-death-kill-maim-destroy-ness!He's a captain!Good news everybody... We're going to live forever!"Glee" formula applied...Best. Bachelor Party. EVER!FoundAmerica!Appetite Suppressant...With great faith comes great responsibility...Now be gone with you, and aspire to

Company: Gerber - Rating: AWESOME!

2010-06-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

So today, Kellie posted on her Facebook that Gerber is holding a contest to see which baby they can take advantage of, exploit, use as their next campaign and so on...And I though "Hey, awesome - I actually know TWO babies that would kick baby A at this contest, and since Gerber is such a lovely, cute, baby food company, it's kinda really sweet..."Baby One (Taylor)Baby Two (Adam)Then I got to

Friday Funnies...

2010-06-04T09:42:00.001-07:00

Here it is, your weekly dose of velociraptors, pirates, boats, ninjas, unicorns with chainsaw horns and all things awesome... But not vampires... thanks to Twilight vampires are not awesome...Your wish has been granted...You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?Cut it out, grandma!These things happen...Thanks, Japan!Life tip #47: RUN!Fit inPerpective: it makes things funny!Sexual

Bear With Sharks For Arms

2010-06-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

To all the haters out there - SUCK IT!Not a Bear with Shark Forearms...Not a Bear with Shark Arms...But a Bear with Sharks FOR Arms...7000% Deadly...Thursday, June 3, 2010

Somehow I Ended Up Fighting Zombies...

2010-05-26T16:49:00.001-07:00

I'm ornery...Yesterday was supposed to be Garden Gnome night at the Angels game, but, alas, there were no Gnomes...But it just so happens that I was lucky enough to be able to wake up at 3:00 AM to drive to FRESNO for a 9:00 AM meeting! WOOHOO! WHO WANTS TO BE ME?!Let me tell you something... 3:00 AM is like so early that you're not really even sure there IS one of those in the AM... Maybe it's

It was my birthday.

2010-05-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

My 30th birthday, to be exact, and now that I've entered the "stop playing around and start being a grown-up and be successful and be serious and start a family and buy a house and get a car and have a fireplace with a family portrait over it" phase of life, I was going to do a whole huge blog entry on what turning 30 meant...Then I got lazy and decided that I would do a "What 30 means" entry

Friday Funnies...

2010-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it's a lame title... Any other suggestions would be great, but for now, this is it...In honor of Friday I'm posting a few pictures from around the Web that I chuckle at or are otherwise awesome...Of course, I ride a skateboard on top of a surfboard on top of a big wave while I shoot arrows out of my armpits at sharks and you, well... you don't exactly excrete unicorn magic, so these

HEY - I'm an ANIMAL!

2010-05-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

Animals are slowly (and, I think, intentionally) ruining my life... Have you ever noticed how enthusiastic animals are about morning? They wake up and start running around making noise for NO REASON! They're all "Holy crap! I'm an animal and it's really freaking early in the morning and I feel grrrrreat!!!!" (see what I did there with the GRRRRRRR?!)I haven't slept more than 5 hours in a night

I'm Sorry... So Sorry...

2010-05-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been two months since my last blog post - really? What in the world? So many people have called me on my absence that I started to get depressed about it...Not that that depression turned to motivation, obviously, but enough where I would go to bed at night and lay awake thinking, "Maybe I'll get back to blogging tomorrow..." And then tomorrow would come (as it always does)

Bracket Predicitons

2010-03-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

So the NCAA Tournament selection show beings in about two hours (during which time I'll be teaching Sunday School, and that's AFTER running a 1:56 Half Marathon, but whatever...)Anyway, I wanted to make what small predictions I could, just to prove to myself that I still have it, at least at this point... Even if I stink at actually predicting what will happen in the actual games...Anyway, I know

All Is Not Right In Dundemifflinville

2010-03-12T12:02:00.001-08:00

I've been going along with this, but I feel like I have to say something...I don't like Kathy Bates on The Office -There. I said it...I LOVE The Office, and I LOVE Kathy Bates, but not together... I think it's because I associate Kathy with actressing, and I know that on Office she's playing a part. She's incredible and I feel myself believing her performances at a much greater rate than most

The Fifth

2010-03-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

A few photos from my trip this past weekend to La Quinta -Melissa came down with me and Alyssa was able to do what I've never been able to... get Missy to sit still for a picture...I was lucky enough to plan the trip when Oms and Ops were going to be down, so I got to hang with them, too which was nice... Here's the whole gang minus Jamus (he was feeling a little under-weatherly) after Carson's

Andy's Second Stand-up Attempt

2010-03-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, the title says it all - here's my second stand-up attempt at Laughs Unlimited here in Sacramento - we had considerably more people in the room this time than last time I did it, which was nice - I'm not sure you can really tell from the video, because the people were disbursed a little, but there were probably 150 people there, which is almost to capacity...The room was tough at first, but

Morals From Best Pictures

2010-03-03T10:09:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I have to give credit where credit is due - usually I only post original material, but I thought these were clever enough to pass on - especially the ones about Push and Basterds - Anyway, these quotes are from a GQ article on the Oscar Best Picture nominees given by Doug Benson, one of my favorite movie-encyclopedic comics:AvatarStock up on UnobtaniumThe Blind SideWhen you're down and

My Little Blue Book

2010-03-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

So most of you know that we made this bet to do stand up comedy at an open mic night - three of us did, and the rest, well... they're chickens, and I won't accept any other explanation...But that's not what this is about - after we made the decision, a comedian friend of Roy's told us that if we ever wanted to be real about it, we should carry a little notebook to record things that occur to us

Snowboarding Video Attempt - Two Takes

2010-02-25T11:31:00.000-08:00

So my buddies Matt and Paul and I went up snowboarding on Saturday - it was a pretty bad day, with bullet-proof, icy runs and no fresh snow, but we made the most of it, finding jumps, goofing around, and trying out the new camera equipment - my Flip video camera and Paul's GoPro HD helmet cam...I played around a little putting together a few videos - they're basically the same footage, edited a

Someone Didn't Do His/Her Homework...

2010-02-23T10:10:00.001-08:00

Ummm... does the overlap of National Eating Disorder Week (Feb 21-27)with National Pancake Day (Feb 23) make anyone else laugh?I guess today is for the binge and purgers... If tomorrow is National No Pancakes Day that would be for the anorexics? - I guess that actually makes sense seeing that tomorrow is National Inconvenience Yourself Day...Followed, of course, by National Chili Day on Feb 25

WDW Marathon Day Two

2010-02-02T16:11:00.000-08:00

Sooo... have you ever started out a day at 3:30 in the morning?Well, have you ever started out a day at 3:30 in the morning when, with the local time change it really felt like 12:30 in the morning?Well have you ever started out a day at 3:30 in the morning when, with the local time change it really felt like 12:30 in the morning on a day when you were going to run 26.2 freaking miles?Didn't

WDW Marathon Day One

2010-01-29T12:29:00.001-08:00

It's been five weeks since my last posting? Really? REALLY?Sheesh... I'm surprised I haven't been stormed and forced to blog at gunpoint... Oh wait, that's right - no one really reads this thing anyway... Except for you Andy junkies... You know who you are...So let's see - I ran my marathon, which was awesome... So let's say I give you a rundown about that, for all you crazies out there...WDW

A Very Merry Christmas Indeed...

2009-12-25T09:44:00.000-08:00

A photo essay of Christmas Eve and Day - hope yours was as great as mine!1. My geographically representative cookies...2. My nephew Colin slamdancing to Silent Night during our family Christmas Eve reading of the Christmas story...3. My niece Drew giving Chinchilla eyes snuggled in her new turtle pillow and matching blanket...4. My sister Brett and her family being videoconferenced in after

12 Days of Christmas - Face Edition! (8)

2009-12-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been fascinated by slow-motion things, and I've determined to make a really cool slow motion video sometime in the near future (any ideas people??)Aside from that, I really have nothing clever to say, but here's a cool video of Christmas-type things getting thrown at people's faces...Enjoy!Boxer Christmas Card '08 from Boxer Design on Vimeo.Friday, December 18, 2009

12 Days of Christmas - Nerd Edition! (9)

2009-12-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

I guess this 9th Day of Christmas video is for all the nerds out there...(sidenote: did you know that Dr. Seuess was the first person to ever use the word 'nerd?' Yup, he used it in a 1951 book called "If I Ran The Zoo" as a type of made-up animal... it then became synonymous with "drip" and "square." Also, in the 1980 space opera commonly referred to as "The Empire Striked Back," Leia was

12 Days of Christmas - Glee Edition! (10)

2009-12-16T12:40:00.000-08:00

So I've decided that since I've already kind of started, for the next ten days (for all you math and holiday majors out there, that's until Christmas...) I'm going to post a cool, funny or weird Christmas video...I probably should have started this on Monday, being the 12th day before Christmas and all, but you're going to have to do with yesterday being the unofficial start and today being the

Scary Ghost Stories - Now for Christmas!

2009-12-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

So, I have nothing against Christmas music, just because they play it EVERYWHERE and ALL THE TIME - it actually puts me in a festive mood and I'm thankful for that... But there are a few things I don't get... there's a song - "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - that song is atrocious, obnoxious and every other "...ous" that you can come up with (except the good ones, like precious... or

Chris Walken's Mediocre Face

2009-12-14T10:49:00.000-08:00

You know I don't usually do this - post just a rando video, but this was too good to pass up:Is there anyone who takes his bloviated and needlessly but awesomely intense acting style less seriously than Christopher Walken??Monday, December 14, 2009

Moose Feed

2009-12-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

Yep, I'm chomping on moose in San Francisco - and no, that's not euphamism...That's a moose stew on top of polenta (that's a fancy California word for grits) and it was delicious!The moose virgin (your blogger extraordinaire) has to serve the thing - I don't know if that's tradition or if the guys at my table were having a laugh at my expense, but when in Rome...And of course what's a moose

Andy Jams Comedy

2009-12-09T08:39:00.000-08:00

So yes, Virginia, I did get up on stage last night to fulfill my end of the deal that I made with Matt and Joe, and which Roy subsequently joined in...But I gotta tell you, I got a huge karma kick in the rear last night for delaying my performance a week past the agreed-upon date...Let me set the scene for you - Matt and Roy played for a packed house last week during the regularly-scheduled open

It Should Be A Headline

2009-12-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to get into the podcasting game..From all the comedy I've been listening to in preparation for tonight's debut stand-up performance, it dawned on me that I missed being on the radio...I remember the times when I was calling Gamecock Softball games with absolutely nothing happening on the field, and I had to fill with anything and everything - I miss that, so I decided to put

The Hardest Race Yet

2009-12-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

So on Saturday I went down to the Bay to run the North Face Endurance Challenge Half Marathon - it's a race specifically designed to break you - with hills that last forever with impossible inclines, having to navigate sometimes less-than fire trail, and only a couple aid stations, not to mention the freezing temperature, this was a North Face sponsorship-worthy race...This is the profile of the

DTOCE Rules!

2009-12-04T10:49:00.001-08:00

So for those of you who don't know, the Mag 7 have two Christmas traditions - The first is Dollar Tree Ornament Creation Extravaganze (or DTOCE, pronounced Dee-Toe-See) - The second is Yankee Swap, which we all hope will go as planned this year but is in flux seeing depending on what happens with Chance, the Cunliffe's potential "growing in another mother" little'un...At any rate, we satisfied

The Gang Jams Comedy - Part One

2009-12-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, a few months ago, Matt, Joe and I were watching Rocky when we decided that we would all get up and do five minutes at an open mic night at a comedy club.What's the correlation of open mic sets to Rocky? I have no idea, but I recall it having something to do with Matt getting the crap beaten out of him by his sister Heather, or Joe wailing on a tree until his shins bled

A Piece of Andy Dies...

2009-11-30T10:13:00.000-08:00

So yesterday my sister Susannah sent out this video to the fam with the claim that it took her about a minute to figure out:(Sidenote: please make sure you watch the video BEFORE you continue reading, or you'll ruin a pretty fun little experience...)So afterward this is the exchange that took place:Brett:It really took you a minute? Well, you've always been a little slow. :-)Mom:OK... I got it

Good News and Bad News

2009-11-24T12:13:00.001-08:00

The good news is that the new Rocklin DMV is really nice...The bad news is that I'm at the DMV...

Introducing Kumquatsoccer.com!!

2009-11-20T10:58:00.000-08:00

So for all of you out there who have been wondering what's been happening with the Kumquats, there's now an easy way to get all the latest Kumquat info - just hit www.kumquatsoccer.com -It's a one-stop shop for all your Kumquat needs - minus the shop, but hey, if you want it badly enough, we'll see what we can do...The new site features weekly updates for all Kumquat games, a standings table and

New Template and Idiot Check Writers

2009-11-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking about re-tooling the blog for awhile now - I just didn't feel that the blue and regular background with the boring nothingness that was the everything really suited the content of the World's Most Awesome Blog About Me...That or maybe I just got bored with it...But the result is the same - a new look! Let me know what you think... And just so you don't feel gypped reading

Bad Pop Cultural References: Take One

2009-11-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

So today is a slow day at work - for those of you in the know, this will come as a huge shock... But as I'm looking online for new Web sites to check out, I remember that I have a MySpace account... Which I hadn't logged onto since Lindsay Lohan was the Miley Cyrus of the day - you know, before she became the Amy Winehouse of the day...Well, since Facebook is so much more "grown-up" I am now down

Mountain West Women's Soccer... Really ladies? Really??

2009-11-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

I know there are a great many things that I have to catch you all up on... stand-up, the World Series, the Kumquats, etc...And I'll get to all that (eventually) but for now this has to put out there:That Elizabeth Lambert... her bio says she "is fearless when making a challenge" which apparently is a Lobo-ism meaning "she will rabbit punch you, yank you down by the ponytail, slap you in mid-air

Today Things Happen

2009-10-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

So there have been a few things noteworthy to happen today which, dear reader, I am happy to share if that means that either by positive association or, conversely, schadenfraude, it makes your day all the more happier... yes, I know that was incorrect... I don't care...----------------------------------------I had a meeting in the Governor's office today. It was not with the Gov himself, but

Caption Contest Reminder

2009-10-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

So... only five people have left captions... seriously??Wow... I knew that most of you were lame, I just didn't know HOW lame you were... get your captions in before noon tomorrow for consideration of the awesome prizes!And believe me, you're going to be sorry you didn't get yours in when you hear what I'm sending out for First, Second and Third place...

SAD - It's A Disease, Look It Up...

2009-10-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

So just so you know, I'm in a foul mood today... And I really shouldn't be:The Yankees just swept to get into the ALCS vs. the Angels, who swept Boston after a two-out meltdown by DB-du jour Jonathon Papelbon...The Kumquats are champions again after an undefeated season...I'm kicking pnemonia's A#@ after a sub-2:00 half marathon last weekend...I have great family, friends, etc and everyone seems

Caption This! A Completely Cop-Out Contest!

2009-10-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

So yes, I stole this idea from a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, and when I asked if I could borrow the idea what was the response?"Sure... I stole it from someone else..."Well duh... more and more I'm convinced that there's less and less original content out there... Which is why I'm such a breath of fresh air, right?Well, not today... SUCKER!Anyway, occasionally I'll have nothing

Happy Birthday, Barcode!

2009-10-07T10:50:00.001-07:00

Special thanks to www.barcodesinc.com for making this the easiest post ever...If you can decode these, leave a phrase or two in the comments section... If you don't then I'll think you're dumb...

The Great Sports Adventures of September (And some of October)

2009-10-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

So my awesome September and part of October sports adventures have come to a close as of this past weekend...It's sad really, but when I look back on it, MAN - what a trip! I'll be happy, though, to spend some weekend time at home and not in the car or on a plane, and now I can really concentrate on my five-minute set, and find a place that will let us on...Here's a general map of my past month,

The Fifth, Baseball and More Travelogue...

2009-09-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

So yes, it's been a really really long time since I've posted... and I apologize, but what with my traveling every weekend for September Sports-a-rama, actually working again after a lazy few weeks during interim recess, and, of course, Kumquats being undefeated, I haven't had a lot of time... So here's making up for that - a picture essay of my most recent travels to the Land of the Desert, the

FSU vs. BYU Game Photos

2009-09-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

Keep F-ing That Chicken (Parental Advisory...)

2009-09-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

****WARNING - HIDE THE KIDS, THERE'S AN F-WORD IN THIS POST****So I saw this yesterday but I had already posted one entry, and I don't want to inundate folks - but this is too good to pass up...As a former newscaster, this is great, and even more great after you watch it 17 times and really get the minutia of what's going on - that and the dude's (Eric Anastos BTW) co-anchor gives one of the best

Fouls Balls

2009-09-16T09:36:00.001-07:00

So, unfortunately my Yankees trip post isn't quite ready yet (still working on my crappy attempt at video-casting) so I'll just say this - catching balls at ballgames is awesome...The first ball I caught on Saturday's game - the top of the 4th inning - Melky Cabrera was playing in center - he made the last out of the inning and tossed the ball right to ME! It wasn't difficult to catch considering

R.I.P. Jed, Bodhie, Sam, Johnny, Darrell, Dalton...

2009-09-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

Patrick Swayze died today of cancer...Who's going to fight upper-middle class uptight fathers, middle-America bully bar ownders, and the Russians in Colorado now?Who's going to lead the Dead Presidents on a string of bank robberies and teaching young former football stars like Neo how to Zen surf now?Who's going to go on a cross-country trip in drag with a Tea Party hero vampire now?Who's going

Yankee Stadium Baby!!

2009-09-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

I Came Here To Do Two Things...

2009-09-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

So I just wanted to relay the immense joy and incredible excitement that I'm feeling right now - I leave for NYC tonight at 11:30 (sidenote: red-eye... not too excited about that, but I'm used to it by now. You see, having family, friends and events happening on the east coast all the time, you have to fly into negative time, meaning not only do you lose the travel time, but also another four

Wednesday Grab Bag

2009-09-09T14:45:00.000-07:00

So the loyal followers of my blog (all seven of you) will recognize this as my semi-monthly rambling post of things that I find amusing but can't really (sidenote: I just spelled 'really' twice... the first time with only one 'L' and then again with two... I kept going back and forth thinking which one looked right... then I realized that I have college degrees... multiple ones... but sometimes I

Summer Has Gone And All I Got Was This Popcorn Kernal Stuck In My Teeth

2009-09-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

So I know that summer actually ended sometime in the middle of August (and yes, I'm too lazy to look up when it actually ended) - but it sure as hell doesn't feel like the end of summer - we were above 100 again yesterday and high 90's today, but whatever, that's neither here nor there...The Andy's Official Summer Movie Experience ended last night (really the season lasts generally from

Quotable Cat

2009-09-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

So I've been meaning to do this for awhile - my sister Brett's daughter (I guess that makes her my niece) is a precocious little thing who just started school and thinks the world is dumb and she is smart - that may sound bad, but it's in that child-like way that makes it awesome - the way you used to look at the world when you knew what was best and you didn't care what everyone else thought

Non-Essential Mnemonics

2009-08-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm forgetful... this I know, and I recognize as a fault. In no way would I ever claim anything different, so in that vain, I present you with my useless Mnemonic devices.For those of you who never took chemistry or any other useless subject that required you to memorize ridiculous amounts of material, and list after list, Mnemonic devices are where you make up a sentence where the first

Andy Passes Out and FINALLY Visits El Doctor

2009-08-25T11:05:00.001-07:00

So as many of you know, I've been experiencing some mild cough issues over the past several weeks, and by mild cough issues I mean that it sounds and feels like I'm a two-pack-a-day smoker... which I'm not...Well everything finally came to a head on Saturday morning... I woke up after a tremendously bad night of not sleeping, hacking my lungs out and shivering in 80-degree weather and went to the

Pig Pickin' Perfection!

2009-08-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

So Friday night was Ryan and Ashley's last night in California - they would take off early Saturday morning to start a new, less exciting life in Utahr as a BYU student and a BYU Student's wife... I'll let you decide who would play which role...But we decided that a good way to see them off would be have a Luau-style pig roast, which we had been talking about for awhile and seized the opportunity

More Time With Taylor

2009-08-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

So as we all know, baby Taylor was born early early Friday morning, and after an exhausting day at work the Mag 7 went down to the hospital as a group to see her for the first time together - Tiff took some incredible shots that I'll display, and you can also see more on her blog, posted on my bloglist...This is the first picture of the Mag 7 + Taylor - after this weekend, which was Ashley and

Taylor Felt

2009-08-21T04:07:00.000-07:00

And so at four in the morning I exit the hospital, leaving a brand new and beautiful little person in the hands of Matt, Kellie and their moms...If turns out that Kellie needed a vestiab (which aparently is what they call a cesarian when you're trying to blog in sleep deprivation), so around 1:30 they prepped and wheeled her into surgery, and ninety minutes later Matt came in to yell us that

Kellie's Having a Baby Part Sinc

2009-08-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

And yes, this is when I realize I don't know french...Anyway, I know it's been a while since my last update, but that's because not much has happened - (at least not at the hospital - away from there, Joe, Ryan and I loaded his moving truck up and then we won our really fun soccer game 3-2... more on that tomorrow...) There hasn't been that much progress as far as the baby goes, but Kell has now

Kellie's Having A Baby Part Catre

2009-08-20T16:01:00.001-07:00

So aparently Kell is dilated to five, and they've given her some drugs (not the epidural) to help ease the pain and she seems to be drifting in and out of sleep.The doctors still say the thing's gonna happen at 8-9, so that'll put a stressor on soccer tonight...

Kellie's Having A Baby Part Troix

2009-08-20T15:08:00.001-07:00

So no more pictures because the room is filling up now that Kellie's mom from Utah is here as well as Crust, Aron, her Dad, Paulette, Debbie, Kathy Bragg and of course Matt are in the room and truth be told it's getting to the point where I don't think I wanna be in there anyway...But they've broken her waters manually (seriously, her body does NOT want Taylor to come out) and they say on average

Kellie's Having A Baby Part Deaux

2009-08-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

So so far so good - Kell has been soldiering through without an epidural or any anesthesia, which is awesome considering they've put her on potossin (sp?) and it's supposed to multiply the intensity of the contractions (read: they hurt more)Matt has been doing all he can to keep Kell comfortable, from allowing her to squeeze the crap out of her hand to doing the maneuver below, which I can't

Kellie's Having A Baby!!

2009-08-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

Kellie checked into the hospital (and we all got the text message at 2:47 am) in preparation for Taylor's being welcomed into the world.Oh, and today seems to be THURSDAY! In your face all you naysayers who told me I couldn't predict when the baby was gonna come!Hah!Anyway, Matt's mom is Kellie's coach and this room in STUSH... it's the handicapped special single suite birthing room... I don't

Month of Baseball Begins

2009-08-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

So starting today, and over the next six weeks, I'm going to be seeing seven games played by eight teams and will be headed to San Diego, Anaheim and NEW YORK CITY!Full reports to follow for sure, but it all starts today with the YANKEES at the A's - a birthday present from Steph that Ryan and I are at RIGHT NOW!YEAH BOY!!(Update - the YANKS won tonight, 3-2, and we got to Jeter go 2-4,

There's A Hole... And Naked Dudes... And Skidmarks...

2009-08-19T09:51:00.001-07:00

So what do we do when we don't have enough to post a real, honest-to-goodness post? We take miscellany of course!----------------So we are still remodeling Matt's place, and we took a huge leap on Saturday - putting up almost all of the drywall and getting a working toilet in the already-tiled and -painted bathroom in Taylor's room (which is what we've taken to calling the room where I used to

Tahoe May Be Geocaching Heaven...

2009-08-14T10:10:00.000-07:00

So last weekend (the weekend before last maybe?) the May 7 took a trip up to Tahoe for a last hurrah of sorts with Ryan and Ashley at their parents' cabin... they aren't leaving for another few weeks, and we're having a REAL last hurrah next week when we're roasting a pig Hawaiian style, but whatever...Anyway, the weekend was awesome, the cabin - including the black Italian marble bathroom in the