A Very Merry Christmas Indeed...

A photo essay of Christmas Eve and Day - hope yours was as great as
mine!

1. My geographically representative cookies...

2. My nephew Colin slamdancing to Silent Night during our family
Christmas Eve reading of the Christmas story...

3. My niece Drew giving Chinchilla eyes snuggled in her new turtle
pillow and matching blanket...

4. My sister Brett and her family being videoconferenced in after
being too lazy to make the trip...

5. Can you guess what Andy got for Christmas?!

12 Days of Christmas - Face Edition! (8)

Lately I've been fascinated by slow-motion things, and I've determined to make a really cool slow motion video sometime in the near future (any ideas people??)

Aside from that, I really have nothing clever to say, but here's a cool video of Christmas-type things getting thrown at people's faces...

Enjoy!

Boxer Christmas Card '08 from Boxer Design on Vimeo.

Friday, December 18, 2009

12 Days of Christmas - Nerd Edition! (9)

I guess this 9th Day of Christmas video is for all the nerds out there...

(sidenote: did you know that Dr. Seuess was the first person to ever use the word 'nerd?' Yup, he used it in a 1951 book called "If I Ran The Zoo" as a type of made-up animal... it then became synonymous with "drip" and "square." Also, in the 1980 space opera commonly referred to as "The Empire Striked Back," Leia was supposed to call Han a 'Nerd herder' as an homage to Geisel - who George Lucas credits as creating an accepted atmosphere of make-believe that allowed him and people like him (read: nerds) to develop into the sci-fi geeks we all know and love - but she flubbed the line, called him a 'Nerf herder' instead, and because the production was so far behind schedule at that point (this was one of the last scenes to be shot) GL decided to not re-do the scene with the intended dialogue, and the rest is movie history...)

Enjoy, for in the not-too-distant future we'll be slaves to these dudes' progeny, and be forced to do manual labor and provide them with energy as we lay in vast fields of human batteries...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

12 Days of Christmas - Glee Edition! (10)

So I've decided that since I've already kind of started, for the next ten days (for all you math and holiday majors out there, that's until Christmas...) I'm going to post a cool, funny or weird Christmas video...

I probably should have started this on Monday, being the 12th day before Christmas and all, but you're going to have to do with yesterday being the unofficial start and today being the official start...

(Sidenote: how many of you actually know that the 12 Days of Christmas - or Christmastide - actually refers to the 12 days starting with Christmas and ending with the Eve of Epiphany, the night before the Feast of Epiphany on January 6 that celebrates the Magi reaching the 8 lbs, 6 oz newborn baby Jesus... interesting, no? No? Just me huh...)

So what better way to officially start then with this number in honor of Glee, the void that it's left, and the adequate job that Sing-Off is doing to try to fill said void:

Make sure you listen all the way through...

But seriously... doesn't Toto totally take you back?

(Bonus sidenote: this song also reminds me to give a HUGE shout-out to my really good friends Kim and Jeremy, who are doing the Lord's work in developing and building school programs in Addis Ababa, Egypt and who'll be spending their Christmas there this year... Every year when I go home for Christmas - for the past five years now that I've lived away from South Carolina - and if the level of excitement to see my family is a 100 (it's not, but let's say it is) then my excitement to see my friends Kim and Genevieve is about a 98 - we only see each other during Christmas, and it's a great little tradition that we have going... and then when Kim and Jeremy got married it was awesome seeing him too because he's awesome... they'll be missed this year...)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Scary Ghost Stories - Now for Christmas!

So, I have nothing against Christmas music, just because they play it EVERYWHERE and ALL THE TIME - it actually puts me in a festive mood and I'm thankful for that...

But there are a few things I don't get... there's a song - "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - that song is atrocious, obnoxious and every other "...ous" that you can come up with (except the good ones, like precious... or goodous or whatever...) And I'm not just talking everything that came after Andy Williams version - any version, even the original. It's not the version, it's just a badly written song... It's just a list of stuff randomly put together - of Christmas-y type things - and then there's this gem of a line... (fast forward to 0:55 second mark):

I also don't get "tales of past glories..." Like, "Hey, remember that time we had to defend the North Pole from the Mongols?" or "Remember when we won WWII? My unit was all but wiped out when we took Iwo Jima... Yeah, I thought Christmas would be a good time to talk about it..."

But seriously, what kind of twisted Christmas tradition is scary ghost stories? Unless you're referring specifically to "A Christmas Carol" - and I feel like the songwriters were like "Oh, we don't want any trouble with the Dickens people, so maybe it's best that we don't name the book outright, we'll just refer to it tangent-ically..."

And not only that, but how many other scary ghost stories Christmas stories are out there? Maybe they're just talking about the Muppets version... The Donald Duck version... The Jim Carey version?? - The problem is I'm pretty sure the song predates all of those... I could be wrong...

(Sidenote: I saw the Jim Carey version of A Christmas Carol and I only have one question: why did they feel the need to rip off Ghosts of Girlfriends Past with a slight gender bend?)

This is something else that really baffles me about Christmas music: Barbara Streisand has a Christmas album - now, I'm not mad at Babs, but is it just me or are more than half of her movies, and where she derived a good bit of her international fame, based on her being Jewish? Check out the track listing for her Christmas album (titled, BTW, rather cryptically, "A Christmas Album")

Jingle Bells

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

The Christmas Song

White Christmas

My Favorite Things

The Best Gift

Silent Night

Ave Maria

O Little Town of Bethlehem

I Wonder As I Wander

The Lord's Prayer

Now, again, I recognize that you don't have to believe in Christmas to want to make money, or, even on a more Polyannish plane, to appreciate and want to recreate and spin the music, but come on - couldn't Babs have thrown in a "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" or a "I Have a Little Candle" or a "Oh Hanukkah" or even "The Hanukkah Song" (or, more recently, this little number by one Orrin Hatch, that caused this little number by Max Weinberg and the Tonight Show crew...)

Anyway, just something to think about...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Chris Walken's Mediocre Face

You know I don't usually do this - post just a rando video, but this was too good to pass up:



Is there anyone who takes his bloviated and needlessly but awesomely intense acting style less seriously than Christopher Walken??

Monday, December 14, 2009

Moose Feed

Yep, I'm chomping on moose in San Francisco - and no, that's not euphamism...

That's a moose stew on top of polenta (that's a fancy California word for grits) and it was delicious!

The moose virgin (your blogger extraordinaire) has to serve the thing - I don't know if that's tradition or if the guys at my table were having a laugh at my expense, but when in Rome...

And of course what's a moose entree without a mouse desert?!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Andy Jams Comedy

So yes, Virginia, I did get up on stage last night to fulfill my end of the deal that I made with Matt and Joe, and which Roy subsequently joined in...

But I gotta tell you, I got a huge karma kick in the rear last night for delaying my performance a week past the agreed-upon date...

Let me set the scene for you - Matt and Roy played for a packed house last week during the regularly-scheduled open mic night that everyone knows about and comes from all over Northern California to watch...

Last night was... not that...

Last night was a special night, but since Matt and Roy were so great and looked like they had so much fun, I was anxious and excited to get on stage - thus the mistake of performing at a "special session" instead of the regular monthly night...

Yes, big mistake... By the time I got on stage (third from last, with all the All-Star regulars who came down) the crowd was down to 23 people...

Yes, that's right... 23 people...

And let me tell you something, comics live off the energy from the audience, who in turn rely on each other for energy - so when there's only 23 people sporadically dispersed in the crowd, it's going to be a long night for the dudes on stage... one of whom was yours truly...

So two hours and about 15 comics into the show, this is what the people get: (and be sure to note the absence of bodies in the chairs... and I apologize in advance for the crappy video quality - that will be rectified when I have the time to do it right... oh, and also a warning - the host uses a curse word before and after I go on... but they're quick, and will be edited out in the final video...)

So I kinda messed up there at the end - I didn't use about half of my dolphin joke and only about a third of my retard joke, but that's okay - I had my notes up on stage with me, but a suggestion for future comics out there: it's okay (often encouraged) to bring notes on stage, but you want to make sure they're not upside down, cause that makes stealing a glance at them to remember your place a bit more difficult...

But a lot of the stuff last night came off the top of my head on the spur of the moment, which I was pretty proud of, and even with 23 people there, I managed to get some laughs...

The two you hear loudest are Melissa and Matt, the only ones who could make the trip who, together with my office mate Michael and his girlfriend Ryan, made up a solid 20% of the audience...

Even with the modest crowd it honestly felt great being on stage, and Missy can attest to the huge smile that I had on my face the rest of the night (we celebrated at Denny's because I hadn't had any food since breakfast, and it seemed like a nice bookend) and I absolutely will be doing it again when there's a better crowd...

Also, once Joe gets up look for a special post including intimate, behind-the-scenes recaps from Matt, Roy, Joe and myself (yes, I've saved some tidbits especially for that!)

It Should Be A Headline

So I've decided to get into the podcasting game..

From all the comedy I've been listening to in preparation for tonight's debut stand-up performance, it dawned on me that I missed being on the radio...

I remember the times when I was calling Gamecock Softball games with absolutely nothing happening on the field, and I had to fill with anything and everything -

I miss that, so I decided to put together a small podcast...

It's called "It Should Be A Headline" and you can find it to the right and on iTunes for downloading into the iPod...

I'll post a new episode every Tuesday and Thursday, taking something from the news that may be a bit obscure, but what I think everyone should know about, and add some commentary of my own...

Feel free to leave comments to let me know what you think, and if you have some ideas of your own, let me know those too!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Hardest Race Yet

So on Saturday I went down to the Bay to run the North Face Endurance Challenge Half Marathon - it's a race specifically designed to break you - with hills that last forever with impossible inclines, having to navigate sometimes less-than fire trail, and only a couple aid stations, not to mention the freezing temperature, this was a North Face sponsorship-worthy race...This is the profile of the thing:

And yes, it was as difficult as it looks... AND there were only 363 people running it, which was awesome...

This is the view from the parking lot - the start line is just off to the left, but you can't see it from here...

The good thing about it were three-fold:

1. I was one of the very very very very few in the minority who did not walk at all... that's right, I ran the whole dang thing, oftentimes slow, as you can tell from my splits:

Mile 1: --- 8:41

Mile 2: --- 9:54

Mile 3: --- 10:34

Mile 4: --- 7:38

Mile 5: --- 8:15

Mile 6: --- 11:58

Mile 7: --- 10:53

Mile 8: --- 8:39

Mile 9: --- 13:19

Mile 10: --- 11:14

Mile 11: --- 9:52

Mile 12: --- 7:45

Mile 13: --- 7:41

2. I got to run for about 3/4 mile with a legend named Dean Karnazes, who once ran 50 marathons in 50 straight days, and who is a long-distance running guru... we talked about strategy on hills, how best to run marathons, how he keeps going, fueling and all that - his top piece of advice: don't stop, cause once you do, you're done mentally, having most likely already given up at that point... even if it's slow... just keep swimming... Wait... that was Dory... he said just keep running...

3. The views were amazing - this is the one race that I actually thought about bringing my video camera and video-blogging afterward, but I ultimately didn't and regretted it almost immediately after cresting the first mountain... These are not my pics, but some others from the trails I was on...

As hokey as it sounds, that was my reward for topping each and every hill... it was pretty amazing, but it was SO HARD not to quit that I was more proud after that race then after my marathon back in June... Maybe this will mean the marathon coming up in Jan will be a good experience too... Stay tuned...

Monday, December 7, 2009

DTOCE Rules!

So for those of you who don't know, the Mag 7 have two Christmas traditions - The first is Dollar Tree Ornament Creation Extravaganze (or DTOCE, pronounced Dee-Toe-See) - The second is Yankee Swap, which we all hope will go as planned this year but is in flux seeing depending on what happens with Chance, the Cunliffe's potential "growing in another mother" little'un...

At any rate, we satisfied the first tradition this Monday, which consists of five easy-to-replicate-at-home steps:

1. Go to Dollar Tree and each person picks out five items in 15 minutes

2. Returning with said items, assign each one a number

3. Each person picks five numbers out of a hat

4. Fashion an ornament out of those five items

5. Take pictures

The only rule is that at least a piece from all five items must be used...

While Ash and Ryan are still in Utahr, I encourage them to do the deed, then send in the results and their pictures will be added... but until then, on to the photo essay!

For some reason, this is the only photo we have of Kelly... yeah, I thought it was weird too...

Joe with his raw materials... Jr. poster, googly eyes, pencils, soccer ball and action figure...

Missy with her raw materials... yes, that's $1 Lingerie, a disco cone, a giant comb, foot scrubber and gauze...

My finished product... green kids' dress-up shoe, red hots, safety pins, noisemakers and a magnet...

Matt's finished product... loofa, gay dolphin center piece, two soccer balls and glow sticks...

And of course Tiffany (it was also, incidentally, her birthday, so we ended up grilling out some primo tri-tip, then getting all DTOCE up in there, then heading to Leatherby's for some 1000-calorie ice cream treats...) and of course it's the most beautiful of all... she used a turkey oven tin, colored zip ties, a douche kit (yep, you heard that right), a toilet scrubber and a soccer ball...

Amazing right... yeah, bet two of you who are in Utahr wish you weren't in Utahr right now, huh??

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Gang Jams Comedy - Part One

As you may or may not know, a few months ago, Matt, Joe and I were watching Rocky when we decided that we would all get up and do five minutes at an open mic night at a comedy club.

What's the correlation of open mic sets to Rocky? I have no idea, but I recall it having something to do with Matt getting the crap beaten out of him by his sister Heather, or Joe wailing on a tree until his shins bled, or something like that...

The plan was, go to open mic night at Laughs Unlimited, a comedy club in Old Town Sac right by my orifice (that's right... sound it out, work with me here people...) in November to get the feel of the thing, then perform in December. LU hosts open mic wannabes the first Tuesday of the month, which is why we decided on the afore-mentioned schedule.

Well, what started as Matt, Joe and me, ended up including our buddy and honorary Kumquat Roy along with Matt's brothers Sam and Josh.

Inevitably, my mind wandered in between the water package passing and the holidays, and I was not prepared for the first Tuesday in December, and neither were Joe, Josh or Sam...

And that left Matt and Roy to being the Comedy Jam Experiment... I'm going to post the videos and not say anything more about the experience... I'm going to have Matt and Roy guest blog on what went on, then after I and the rest of them perform (I'll be going this coming Tuesday, Dec. 8 in a special session) we'll put our two cents in to make a complete blog experience...

So with that, I present the first in the group, Matt and Roy:

Comments welcome, and remember to check back in a week to see who has the guts to go on with me... Oh, and any and all recommendations for jokes will be thoroughly considered...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009