A Piece of Andy Dies...

So yesterday my sister Susannah sent out this video to the fam with the claim that it took her about a minute to figure out:

(Sidenote: please make sure you watch the video BEFORE you continue reading, or you'll ruin a pretty fun little experience...)

So afterward this is the exchange that took place:

Brett:

It really took you a minute? Well, you've always been a little slow. :-)

Mom:

OK... I got it when he messed up her hair. That coupled with the sand in the face...

Susannah:

Hey now be nice... Ben was really impressed that I got it before the title came up!

Andy:

A few thoughts:

1. I got it with the sand (I mean really, there are windmills all over the background of the guy's office...)

2. Increasingly I find myself upset when really cool and simple ideas for videos get out there without my having thought of them first. This is why I am not going to see Planet 51 - what a great concept! Why didn't I think of that?? I have no idea where this sudden contempt for non-me creative ideas comes from - I've never really been that creative and don't really feel like I have the intellectual right or resume to warrant feeling such contempt... but nevertheless, every time I see something like this a little piece of me dies...

Susannah:

To Whom It May Concern:

I formally apologize for killing a piece of my brother's soul. No harm was intended

Yup, that's my family...

So leave me comments and tell me (honestly) when you got it...

Monday, November 30, 2009

Good News and Bad News

The good news is that the new Rocklin DMV is really nice...

The bad news is that I'm at the DMV...

Introducing Kumquatsoccer.com!!

So for all of you out there who have been wondering what's been happening with the Kumquats, there's now an easy way to get all the latest Kumquat info - just hit www.kumquatsoccer.com -

It's a one-stop shop for all your Kumquat needs - minus the shop, but hey, if you want it badly enough, we'll see what we can do...

The new site features weekly updates for all Kumquat games, a standings table and schedule for future games - in the coming weeks it will also feature player profiles, videos and much more, so be sure to check back every Friday for a recap of the previous Thursday's game and for new interesting content...

Until next week, check out the site and have some fun!

Quat on, my friends...

Friday, November 20, 2009

New Template and Idiot Check Writers

So I've been thinking about re-tooling the blog for awhile now - I just didn't feel that the blue and regular background with the boring nothingness that was the everything really suited the content of the World's Most Awesome Blog About Me...

That or maybe I just got bored with it...

But the result is the same - a new look! Let me know what you think... And just so you don't feel gypped reading only that there's a new look for the WMABAM, here's a little something extra:

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I don't get people who write checks - the other day at Costco the lady in front of me prolonged the already considerable time I'd spent waiting in line by checking the total price... then getting out her checkbook... then checking the price again... then writing in the dollar amount... then checking the price again... then writing in the digits... then giving her check to the cashier... then fumbling about for her ID... etc etc etc for the time equivalent of the seeming duration of a Nickelback song... i.e. forever...

I don't get people who write checks - do they not have a debit card? Do they not understand the debit card? It's called a debit card because the money is DEBITED from your checking account - JUST LIKE A CHECK ONLY FREAKING FASTER!

Ugh...

But then I started thinking about what really gets me about writing checks, and it could be that I'm just uncomfortable with check writing, which I uncovered through much regression therapy and hypnosis comes from the fact that my signature is an embarrassment... I mean, it's ridiculously bad - it look like a three-year-old Jackson Pollock - not like the signature of three-year-old Jackson Pollock, I'm talking about the ridiculosity that JP would paint at three years old...

You can sort of make out an 'A,' and a 'P' and maybe a 'G' I think, but only one of those letters actually appears in my name... I'll let you judge which...

My signature is so bad because I try to write my name really fast - party because it's boring to me since it always ends the same, but mostly because I'm trying to hide the fact that my handwriting - like my table manners - hasn't really progressed since the 4th grade...

Bad Pop Cultural References: Take One

So today is a slow day at work - for those of you in the know, this will come as a huge shock... But as I'm looking online for new Web sites to check out, I remember that I have a MySpace account... Which I hadn't logged onto since Lindsay Lohan was the Miley Cyrus of the day - you know, before she became the Amy Winehouse of the day...

Well, since Facebook is so much more "grown-up" I am now down to about eight MySpace friends - a calculation that came about after coming to the harsh realization that Tom isn't really my friend... In case you don't know - and really, if you're over 25, why would you? - Tom is they guy who started MySpace, so everybody starts off with Tom as their friend... Kind of like when you move to a new school or ward and everybody is a little suspicious of you except for the retarded kid who wants to be friends with everybody...

I don't have much else to say right about it right now, but since I decided to start posting more, not everything is going to be a gem... You can't force this stuff - it's not like I'm writing Black Eyed Pea songs or something... Speaking of which, here's an open announcement to the people who keep requesting BEP on radio stations everywhere: If you really need to hear Boom Boom Pow or I Gotta Feeling right now, buy the freakin' album, otherwise, you're just going to have to wait 10 minutes like the rest of us...

I did receive a message from another MySpace user who didn't actually want to be my friend, but invited me to read his Very Serious Blog... It was about life and death and important stuff like that - he had black and white photos of himself looking like he was thinking Very Serious Blog thoughts - which is about a third of the blogs out there, BTW (sidenote: I think I can write an entire entry on the contents of people's blogs... maybe not

a whole entry, but basically it boils down to these: Very Serious Blogs, Artsy Picture Blogs, New Baby/Family Blogs (thanks to my friend Britta for letting me use her blog as an example), Mormon Blogs, Money-Making Blogs, and Look At My Life How Awesome Am I Blogs... I'll let you decide what is what and where andyfields.net stands...)

I actually started writing a VSB once, but I couldn't even get Tom to read it... Some friend... And this is back before he had a billion friends, and we lived together at college... Me, Tom and Shawn Fanning - just three guys and a dream... Three dreams, actually. Unfortunately mine was about a Tupperware party with Sesame Street characters that turned into Blair and Tootie from The Facts of Life... Stupid pointless no-money-making dream...

Mountain West Women's Soccer... Really ladies? Really??

I know there are a great many things that I have to catch you all up on... stand-up, the World Series, the Kumquats, etc...

And I'll get to all that (eventually) but for now this has to put out there:

That Elizabeth Lambert... her bio says she "is fearless when making a challenge" which apparently is a Lobo-ism meaning "she will rabbit punch you, yank you down by the ponytail, slap you in mid-air and kick you in the face..."

I have no words... none... But I bet Joe will... Or maybe Kellie...