Today Things Happen

So there have been a few things noteworthy to happen today which, dear reader, I am happy to share if that means that either by positive association or, conversely, schadenfraude, it makes your day all the more happier... yes, I know that was incorrect... I don't care...

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I had a meeting in the Governor's office today. It was not with the Gov himself, but going "to the Gov office" is a lot like "going to the West Wing" - you take meetings with people in the administration rather than the Governor himself. I have been in more than a few meetings with the Gov, but mostly it's with staffers... Today a staffer who has been the administration's point man on the water issue called a meeting of primarily public sector labor and small business representatives to talk about what was going on with the whole mess...

The meeting was scheduled for 11:00, I got there at 10:40, having left the office early to walk in the beautiful sunshine that was out today. When I got there there was already a group of suited men who I assumed would be in the meeting even though none of them looked familiar...

An assistant came and told us that she was putting us in a holding room while the Schwarzeneegger and his Chief of Staff were finishing up with their previous meeting. "Cool, the gov is going to be here" I thought... I then started chit-chatting with the other four men, who it turned out were the CEO, COO and lobbyists for Applied Materials, the largest manufacturer of solar panels in the country... "That's weird, I wonder what they're having to with the water discussion" I thought...

But just as I was about to as them what their interest was, the Governator walked in and asked us all to sit down. Everyone introduced themselves and I excused my boss for not being there... The Gov looked at me funny but didn't say anything, at which point he started talking about solar power and other stuff... And then it dawned on me...

Oh my GOSH, I am in the wrong meeting...

So I went back through the chain of events... I came into the foyer, I told the receptionist why I was there and who I was, I sat on the couch, I was ushered into a meeting, I was listening to a discussion on solar power...

Yep, definitely in the wrong meeting...

So what do you do in that situation? You excuse yourself to the outer office, ask if you are in the right meeting, stand there while they tell you no and look at you like YOU'RE the idiot and then get escorted back to the foyer...

Which is exactly what happened...

Luckily the Governor doesn't really know (or care) who I am and his Chief of Staff, who DOES know who I am wasn't in there yet...

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After my meeting I had a 5-mile pace run to do in continuation of my marathon training... and I'd had the Miley Cyrus song "Party in the USA" in my head for days so I bought it and ran to it... and yes, it was awesome and no, I don't feel ashamed...

You cannot judge someone for their choice of workout music... Do I judge you because of your 1970's chops and matching mustache or because you drive like a 70-year-old who forgot to take her metamucil or because you're a Clippers fan? Well kinda... but still, what you listen to while you workout is a no-judgy-zone as long as it fulfills two of the following criteria:

1. Strong Beat

2. Makes You Happy

3. Makes You Mad

So lay off while I nod my head like 'yeah'

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They say after you run to have a meal that contains an amount of protein and calories in proportion to the amount of time you just spent running... For me, that usually means lean ham and turkey with fat free cheddar and mustard on whole wheat bread... I've started bringing these from home to ensure quality ingredients and save some money...

The thing I make is YUM!

So today after I ran and showered I sat down to eat my sandwich and check email... I was pretty damn hungry so I scarfed the thing a lot faster than I should have all the while thinking, "This sandwich is awesome... I wish I had another one..."

But alas, only one sandwich had I...

So I got caught up reading an email about goodness knows what and I was sad about my sandwich being gone... but then I looked over and I had one bite of sandwich left!

I really can't express the awesomeness that is a surprise bite of sandwich... it's kind of a miracle, like the Channukah oil or the bread that lasted the widow or the loaves and fishes or the Broncos undefeated streak...

So I gave thanks (for the sandwich, not the Broncos) and raised my hands to heaven as I dropped the last of it in my mouth... then started moving my hips like "yeah..."

Caption Contest Reminder

So... only five people have left captions... seriously??

Wow... I knew that most of you were lame, I just didn't know HOW lame you were... get your captions in before noon tomorrow for consideration of the awesome prizes!

And believe me, you're going to be sorry you didn't get yours in when you hear what I'm sending out for First, Second and Third place...

SAD - It's A Disease, Look It Up...

So just so you know, I'm in a foul mood today... And I really shouldn't be:

The Yankees just swept to get into the ALCS vs. the Angels, who swept Boston after a two-out meltdown by DB-du jour Jonathon Papelbon...

The Kumquats are champions again after an undefeated season...

I'm kicking pnemonia's A#@ after a sub-2:00 half marathon last weekend...

I have great family, friends, etc and everyone seems to be doing great...

But there are a few things that are contributing to the crap-osity that is the current:

I struggled (and I mean STRUGGLED) through a 14-mile long, slow distance training run on Sunday after I did a great run last weekend at the San Jose Half Marathon... (sidenote: I was moody after the run yesterday, and I tried my best to snap out of it, but it just wasn't happening... Usually I'm tempermental after a long run - you exhaust so much physical and emotional energy that you never quite know what's going to happen to your mood... For instance, after San Jose I was in a great mood, yesterday I was in a crap-tastic mood... there's really no telling what's going to happen afterward...)

After I got to bed early yesterday in preparation for today (Monday... seriously...) I woke up and it was dark outside...

Also, today is overcast with a high in the low 60's and tomorrow it's going to start dumping water left over from a typhoon in the Pacific. Which basically means the death of sunshine for the next four months... Great...

So basically I'm reading the signs, and the point of fact is that my Seasonal Affective Disorder is soon to be in full swing...

By the way, this is what you get when you type "Seasonal Affective Disorder" into a google images search engine:

Now, I like to think that I'm a pretty easy-going, happy-go-lucky kinda guy... Even when things go wrong, I can usually roll with it... Nineteen days out of twenty, I take on the day in the best of spirits, bright and chipper, ready to meet whatever challenges lie ahead with a positive attitude... But not during the SAD months...

So in the spirit of the season, I'm just going to bitch about some random crap that pisses me off...

We'll kick this off with people (can I call them people? for the time being, in any of the rest of this entry, when you see "people" please replace in your mind with "retard" or "DB" or "mouth breather" or "person who thinks Rob Schneider is funny") who use the phrase "usually always" as in:

"I don't know why he's late, my brother is usually always on time."

Let me explain something here, Mr. Hemingway, the words "usually" and "always" have two completely different meanings and one cannot modify the other... Maybe I'm not exactly J.D. Salinger myself, but come on, either your brother is "usually" on time or he is "always" on time... He can't be both.

"Sometimes my sister is never happy."

"Most of the time he always never pays back his loans." AAAAAAARGHHHH

And while we're on the subject of language, I could enthusiastically disembowel those mindless twits who use the word "literally" when they mean the opposite:

"I ate so much last night that I literally exploded." Is that right? You literally EXPLODED? Wow, I bet the rest of the folks at the Hometown Buffet were aghast, what, with being caught in the resulting barrage of bodily shrapnel and all...

No, you FIGURATIVELY exploded... It's a metaphor, and you're a dumbass... Literally.

Same goes for anyone who says they "could care less." Again, that's the opposite of what they mean. I'm going to go slow on this one, so bear with me. Okay, suppose someone tells you that Pete from down the block thinks you're a retard...

Since Pete himself is a royal DB, his opinion doesn't mean anything... So you don't care at all, AKA you care nothing, zero, nada, zilch, then you COULDN'T care less... You could not care less than nothing, zero, etc... IT'S A MATHEMATICAL IMPERATIVE!

If you "COULD care less," That would mean you would have to care, to at least some degree, that Pete thinks you're a retard, which we've already determined that you don't... But then again, "Math is hard," isn't it, Kevin??

Anyway, there's a ton more but whatever... I don't like this the way that I are right now... But I'm starting to feel better... this is better than therapy...

Excuse the above, I'm usually always in a better frame of mind...

Caption This! A Completely Cop-Out Contest!

So yes, I stole this idea from a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, and when I asked if I could borrow the idea what was the response?

"Sure... I stole it from someone else..."

Well duh... more and more I'm convinced that there's less and less original content out there... Which is why I'm such a breath of fresh air, right?

Well, not today... SUCKER!

Anyway, occasionally I'll have nothing funny to say, no observations and nothing really of note happening in the great world that is Andy, so I fill in that space with a cop-out post...

And today's that day...

I want your best captions for the following photo:

Leave them in the comments section, but get them in soon, because one week from today, I will be enpannelling a completely unbiased triumvirate to judge who wins... And what might one win?

PRIZES of course!!

For the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place winners will be sent out... and yes, you're REALLY going to want these... They'll be announced with explanations next week along with the winners...

So send in your comments - emailed comments to me will be posted by me with the suppliers' names underneath unless otherwise specified...

The zanier the better!

Happy Birthday, Barcode!

Special thanks to www.barcodesinc.com for making this the easiest post ever...

If you can decode these, leave a phrase or two in the comments section... If you don't then I'll think you're dumb...

The Great Sports Adventures of September (And some of October)

So my awesome September and part of October sports adventures have come to a close as of this past weekend...

It's sad really, but when I look back on it, MAN - what a trip! I'll be happy, though, to spend some weekend time at home and not in the car or on a plane, and now I can really concentrate on my five-minute set, and find a place that will let us on...

Here's a general map of my past month, and then some statistics...

Total Miles Traveled: 10,830 (that's 413 marathons, or 62,358,124 sheets of copy paper)

Baseball Stuff Collected: 3 balls and 1 game-used cracked bat in AT&T Park, 4 balls in Oakland, 3 BP balls and 1 game-used ball in New Yankee Stadium, 1 BP ball, 1 black military angels hat and 1 FIESTA PLATTER in Anaheim, 3 total autographs

Random FSU vs. BYU Stat: FSU converted all 10 of their third downs in the first half to score a touchdown on EACH of it's first five possessions and and a field goal on the sixth because time ran out

Travel Time: 23 hours in the car, 22 hours 45 minutes in the air or airport

Andy's Rooting Interest Record: 5-4 (NYY 1-1, Giants 2-1, FSU, 1-0, Angels 0-2, Oakland, 1-0)

Pnemonia Wins Feat: Had to cancel my Disneyland Half Marathon and ate about $350 in registration fees and hotel

F-U Pnemonia Feat: One month later, San Jose Half Marathon in 1:57.33 without much real training