Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Fifth, Baseball and More Travelogue...

So yes, it's been a really really long time since I've posted... and I apologize, but what with my traveling every weekend for September Sports-a-rama, actually working again after a lazy few weeks during interim recess, and, of course, Kumquats being undefeated, I haven't had a lot of time...

So here's making up for that - a picture essay of my most recent travels to the Land of the Desert, the Fifth, or as we like to call it in California, La Quinta... where I got to see my awesome Aunt and Uncle and their super cool kids... oh, and we crossed Angel Stadium off my list, too...

So I took a flight down Friday, then hopped the OC Corridor train (whatever they call it) and met up with Jamus and Blake and Madison right as they were pulling into the parking lot... perfect timing but unfortunately we didn't make much of batting practice, so no ball on day one... But it was black military hat night (notice Maddy's said headware...) so that was awesome...

This is a better shot of Maddy and the hat... and yes, she's eating popcorn with chopsticks...

Blake is tearing into his cotton candy... and yes, he finished it in record-setting 2 minutes 43 seconds...

The Friday game wasn't that great... in fact it stunk... the Angels lost 3-0 after 13 (yes, 13) strikeouts and a ton of walks given up... we were pretty bummed because had they won both Friday and Saturday they had a chance at clinching the division, which would have been pretty cool...

So I have a video that I'm working on that I took of Jamie and me on a hike Saturday morning that I'll be posting when I'm done with it (along with NY and Cornhole...) but here's the obligatory stadium shot... our Saturday seats were first row right center... perfect... there was even a home run hit in our section during Saturday's game... it was about ten feet to the left and about ten rows up from us, but still our section, which is pretty cool...

And yes, that IS an unlicensed $5 t-shirt I'm wearing...

But the awesome thing came during BP, when I finally got my Angel Stadium ball, and we were only there for 20 minutes! Had we been there a little earlier I think we might have been able to get a few more, but no complaints on my end!


And yes, that IS a footlong Brat... thanks for noticing... I was looking through my pictures from Saturday's game (btw - Angels lost again, 15-10... really guys? REALLY??) and I couldn't believe that I didn't have a picture of the second coolest thing I got to take home (after the ball) - Saturday was... wait for it... here we go...

DEL TACO FIESTA PLATTER NIGHT!!

WOOT WOOT!

So on Sunday we got to hang out - we went to church and came back and had a delicious Cafe Rio-like dinner and played games... This is my adorable cousin Brooke - she's a blonde princess and loves talking... no unlike most of the other blondes I know...

And this is my cousin Blake... with his best friend, Pencil...

And just to leave you with a little bit of fiesta celebration I present you with...

FIREWORKS!

And just like that, summer is over...

Friday, September 18, 2009

Keep F-ing That Chicken (Parental Advisory...)


****WARNING - HIDE THE KIDS, THERE'S AN F-WORD IN THIS POST****

So I saw this yesterday but I had already posted one entry, and I don't want to inundate folks - but this is too good to pass up...

As a former newscaster, this is great, and even more great after you watch it 17 times and really get the minutia of what's going on - that and the dude's (Eric Anastos BTW) co-anchor gives one of the best "Oh crap" faces I've seen since Roy caught Jim and Pam giggling while discussing Dwight's Alliance...


I'm not quite sure what the line is supposed to mean, all I know is that if I used the F-word, I would definitely adopt this as my go-to catchphrase - maybe to mean, "Alright then" or "Coolio" which basically means either "Okay" or "I have nothing left to say..." For instance:

Rando 1: Dude, you have to try this thing that I think is totally awesome but that you'll probably think is lame because really, it is lame...

Me: Oh man, that would be fun, if it was something I wanted to do...

Rando 1: You're really missing out... okay, I'll see ya...

Me: Alright bro... Keep f-ing that chicken...

I think I'm on to something...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fouls Balls

So, unfortunately my Yankees trip post isn't quite ready yet (still working on my crappy attempt at video-casting) so I'll just say this - catching balls at ballgames is awesome...

The first ball I caught on Saturday's game - the top of the 4th inning - Melky Cabrera was playing in center - he made the last out of the inning and tossed the ball right to ME! It wasn't difficult to catch considering he threw it right to me... and there was nothing but drunken idiots in my section who were more interested in spitting game at the what I guess passes for good looking in the Bronx... I'll take California or Southern girls any day...

Anyway, this is my FIRST game-used ball - I didn't catch it outright, but it was still game-used, so it totally counts! I don't actually have a picture of that ball because my phone ran out of juice right after I took this picture of me in my seat (that yes, you've seen before...)

The second ball was the next day, Sunday's game when I was actually able to go to batting practice (more on why I couldn't Saturday later) - the Yanks had just started BP - here's my view from the right field wall:

The wall is only 314 feet down the line, so you know we were going to get a ton of chances... and the first crack we heard was while Derek Jeter was hitting - and there was a line drive coming directly to my right... I lunged about five feet to my right, on top of the wall, scuffing my shorts and knocking over (not really, but kinda) two dude to my right... but the ball ended up in my glove, so those guys can SUCK IT! I kid, I kid... but not really... I was able to take this picture after I got to my regular seat:

I actually got two more balls during BP, but I was so happy in catching them (and really, one per game is all I need) that I ended up giving the other two away - one to the daughter of the dude I befriended on the wall, a union carpenter and lifelong Yankee fan from Jersey named Rico - no, I'm not making that up - and the other to a kid who MAY have had a chance to catch the ball that I caught from Jeter... And yes, to answer your question, it felt awesome and it made their day, and yes, I was hoping for some Karma from it, which came last night...

The Giants were playing the Rockies, and since it was going to be my last night at AT&T Park, I decided to splurge on the best seats in all of baseball... so close I could literally touch the warning track right next to the third base side... I could see all the way into the Giants dugout, was right next to the bullpen and saw Randy Johnson warm up from ten feet away, after he walked 18 inches in front of me on his way to the bullpen...

At any rate, I wanted to get two balls tonight at least because it was Mel's first ball game, and I wanted her to have a good experience - we tried getting some home run balls during BP, but I wasn't really into that and didn't really try that hard, so I moved around to the left field seats to try to get a ball that I saw laying on the ground...

This is the glove trick in action - that's not me, but you get the idea - you basically get a rubber band around your glove, then lower it with string onto the ball... the weight of the glove causes the ball to expand the rubber band and then it contracts again after the ball has passed, and then you haul it up...
Well that would have worked fine except a stupid security guard literally came out of the groundskeeping tunnel and KICKED my glove so the ball flew out, then told me that it was illegal to do that, even though there were a half dozen other guys doing the same thing along the outfield fence - when I pointed that out to him, he told me that that wasn't his jurisdiction... are you kidding me? What kind of pompous jackass are we dealing with? The ball wasn't being used, it was just sitting there and he feels the power-trip necessity to KICK it out of my glove? How about communicating your feelings of sexual inadequacy using words instead of letting your Napolean complex run your meaningless little life?

No, I'm not bitter at all...

Anyway, after that we decided to get to our super-awesome seats and start talking players, who were warming up along the foul lines, into getting us some balls... during Rockies BP there was a ball tantalizingly close, but about five feet out of reach... luckily it stayed there long enough for a groundskeeper to toss it to us (word of advice - always be nice to everybody, because you never know when something like that's going to happen - I had a mini conversation with this groundskeeper and I told Mel that if he had a chance, he would get me that ball, because he liked me and I was nice to him... yep... score one for niceness...)

After a half dozen close calls, when balls would be hit foul then creep along the fence, me just waiting for them, only to take a bad bounce and head back onto the field, I finally got one thrown to me by Buster Posey, a top catching prospect and someone who should make a dent in the league in the years to come...

So that was number two... which makes six balls in three games, even though Mel kept one and I gave two away to kids on Sunday...

I love getting balls at games, but I've vowed to not let it run my life to the point that I can't enjoy the game unless I get one - it was like that a little bit at Yankee Stadium, and I was tense last night the whole night until I got two in the bag... I am headed to Angel Stadium the weekend after this one and I'd like to be able to get one there, too - but if not, oh well...

Oh, and if this were my little girl I don't know what I'd do... let this be a lesson to all fathers out there... HOLD ONTO THE BALL UNTIL YOU GET HOME!!


Although I have to say that his reaction is great... No hard feelings, kid - he's a better man than I am...

Monday, September 14, 2009

R.I.P. Jed, Bodhie, Sam, Johnny, Darrell, Dalton...

Patrick Swayze died today of cancer...

Who's going to fight upper-middle class uptight fathers, middle-America bully bar ownders, and the Russians in Colorado now?

Who's going to lead the Dead Presidents on a string of bank robberies and teaching young former football stars like Neo how to Zen surf now?

Who's going to go on a cross-country trip in drag with a Tea Party hero vampire now?

Who's going to have sex with G.I. Jane from beyond the grave via the least funny standup ever now?

Who going to rumble in the city with Mr. Scientologist and both Kids (Karate and Billy the) now?

(sidenote: did you know that Franics Ford Coppola directed the Outsiders? Wow... and also, seriously check out the cast by their first names, and I'll be you'll be able to figure out who they are: Patrick, C. Thomas, Matt, Ralph, Rob, Emilio, Tom, Diane and Lief...)

Seriously... Red Dawn and Roadhouse, The Outsiders... amazing... but you can't POSSIBLY forget Point Break and Too Wong Fu? Rewatchability, that's what it's all about, and I can't turn off those five movies if they come on cable...

RIP...

Friday, September 11, 2009

I Came Here To Do Two Things...

So I just wanted to relay the immense joy and incredible excitement that I'm feeling right now - 

I leave for NYC tonight at 11:30 (sidenote: red-eye... not too excited about that, but I'm used to it by now.  You see, having family, friends and events happening on the east coast all the time, you have to fly into negative time, meaning not only do you lose the travel time, but also another four hours due to time zones... I don't know why I'm explaining this, we all went to fourth grade...)

While in NYC I'll be going to not one but TWO Yankees games as they face off against the Baltimore Orioles... I'll be making the
pilgrimage alone, just like I did last year.  You see, last year (read about the trip here) I went to a series in the last year of Old Yankee Stadium, a haaj that I made alone and loved every minute of it, including when I caught a ball from Melky Cabrera...

So this year I am repeating for the first year of New Yankee Stadium... and yes, I WILL come back with a special new Yankee Stadium Ball, if only by sheer force of will... the force... or gaia... or whatever...

So, in honor of my Yanks trip, which is the SOLE purpose of this trip, I present to you:

I came here to do two things: _____________ and kick ass, and I'm _________.

Watch the Yanks :: all done watching the Yanks...

Eat some pizza :: all out of pizza...

Drink a smoothie :: still waiting on the other Jamba Juice girl cause she's the one who makes the really good smoothies...

Play chess :: willing to combine the two... would you like to play a game of chess?

Renew my driver's license :: surprised at how many people are already here at 8:00 am...

Do five minutes of stand-up at open mic night :: I just got booed off stage...

Get my appendix out :: still kind of groggy from the anesthesia... can you wait around a while?

Teach my gospel doctrine class :: I just found out it's not my week to teach...

Update my Blog :: DONE!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Wednesday Grab Bag

So the loyal followers of my blog (all seven of you) will recognize this as my semi-monthly rambling post of things that I find amusing but can't really (sidenote: I just spelled 'really' twice... the first time with only one 'L' and then again with two... I kept going back and forth thinking which one looked right... then I realized that I have college degrees... multiple ones... but sometimes I forget how to spell simple words... and I kind of hate myself... sue me...)

At any rate, I haven't come up with an appropriate name for this type of entry... I'm test-driving "Grab Bag" - In the past it's been "Miscellany" - Thoughts? Suggestions? Anyway, here we go!

------------------

I don't get fortune cookies... Don't get me wrong -- I don't have a problem taking advice from a cookie, but aren't there more reputable cookies around? Fortune cookies are pretty much the worst tasting cookie ever, besides those cookies that my nephew Will makes out of random ingredients in the kitchen when my mom's cooking and he wants to feel included... But I digress... why would you listen to a cookie that's so terrible? Focus on being a halfway decent cookie for a while, and when you've got that down, come back and tell me about my hidden talents that will soon become obvious to those around me...

An Oreo -- now there's a cookie I'd listen to... I'd take stock tips from an Oreo. Even in this economy. I'd buy a house from an Oreo. Even in the economy. And between you and me, if one of those Girl Scout cookies with the peanut butter and chocolate told me to, I'd kill a man...

------------------

To the people who make "easy-open" and "child-proof" packages: Stop it - you're just making me feel like an idiot because I can't get the damn thing open...

At least it used to be simple... in the old days I could just complain about how they make packages impossible to open while frantically trying to tear a bottle of child-safe Tylenol apart before my head splits down the middle... Now even the soda cases I can't open - I have to stick my finger in this spot and pull up, then push push down and then stroke it side to side for a while, and eventually I give up and just end up ripping the box in two like a hungry wolverine...

------------------

To the makers of refrigerator magnets: I love you, I love collecting magnets and putting them up, like little plastic and ceramic reminders of where I've been and who brought me souveniers... But come on... would it kill you to make them an eighth of an inch thicker?

What the hell am I supposed to be sticking to my fridge with these things, dryer sheets? Every time I walk past the fridge, I'm attacked by a flurry of Christmas cards and pizza coupons and soccer schedules and baseball tickets and whatever else I choose to stick on my fridge... I understand that your primary purpose is to amuse and advertise, but could you at least pretend that you care about holding my crap to the fridge?

------------------

So that's all folks... until next time when I need to empty the rattling-around-ings of the 'ole head jello...

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Summer Has Gone And All I Got Was This Popcorn Kernal Stuck In My Teeth

So I know that summer actually ended sometime in the middle of August (and yes, I'm too lazy to look up when it actually ended) - but it sure as hell doesn't feel like the end of summer - we were above 100 again yesterday and high 90's today, but whatever, that's neither here nor there...

The Andy's Official Summer Movie Experience ended last night (really the season lasts generally from May-August, but I was a little late and couldn't get out to see the final summer movie until late last night, sue me... I had freaking pnemonia...)

At any rate, I saw Inglorious Basterds last night and I was absolutely blown away.  I promised you all that this would not turn into a movie review blog, which is certainly is in danger of becoming based on how many movies I watch as well as my overwhelming good taste and keen eye for excellent as well as crappy film making... but no, I will not review it - 

So I'm not going to re-list my summer movie rankings - I'll keep them up for the time being and for a little while longer - and if you don't know where to look for them, then we're not friends anymore...

I'll say this by way of general notes - I liked this summer - it pretty much gave something to all of us - action popcorn flicks, character studies, violence, love stories, animation, comedies, etc - generally I was dissapointed the most is the comedies.  Only The Hangover was worth seeing in the theater and the others had such potential but came up just short... or in some cases, way short...

Obviously Star Trek was amazing, to the point that it'll be a first-ballot DVD purchase - but I was very very pleasantly surprised that the two movies that rounded out the top three were not big-budget, effects driven popcorn movies.  I don't think anyone will argue that Public Enemies and Basterds were low budget arthouse flicks, but they were character and personality driven movies that relied on amazing actors (sidenote: the German Colonel stole the show in Basterds, and Brad Pitt could not have been better -  Matt and I talked about this last night on the way
 home, but can you honestly think of an actor with more of a range than Brad? He's hilarious, he can be mean and intense, action star-y, and even play that weird character.  He was amazing last night, being exactly what he needed to be to fit into a Tarantino film - he was unflinchingly at ease with his gruesome nature, friendly and innocuous when faced with enemies, and off-puttingly and unintentionally funny... seriously... I'm a fan...) and incredible scripts and shot framing to move us... and they were both great...

So summer movie season is over... we'll miss it until May of next year, when we have another amazing sorting of movies to look forward to (and these are only the ANNOUNCED summer movies... seriously I think next summer has a chance to blow this summer out of the water: 

NO SERIOUSLY, READ THIS LIST WTH THE PROPER RESPECT AND EXCITEMENT!

Iron Man 2 (Robert Downy Jr.) 
Ridley Scott's Robin Hood (Russell Crowe)
Prince of Persia (Jake Gyllenhall)
Shrek Forever (Mike Myers et al)
X-Men Origins: Magneto (Ian McKellan)
The A-Team Movie (Bradley Cooper and Liam Neeson)
Toy Story 3 (Tom Hanks et al)
Despicable Me (Steve Carrell)
The Green Hornet (Seth Rogan)
Inception (Leo DiCaprio)
The Sorcerer's Apprentice (yes, with Nick Cage, but still...)
Logan's Run (??)
The Lone Ranger (Johnny Depp)
Mortal Kombat 3
Superman
Voltron

I mean really - I can't freaking wait until May 2010!!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Quotable Cat

So I've been meaning to do this for awhile - my sister Brett's daughter (I guess that makes her my niece) is a precocious little thing who just started school and thinks the world is dumb and she is smart - that may sound bad, but it's in that child-like way that makes it awesome - the way you used to look at the world when you knew what was best and you didn't care what everyone else thought because you knew you were awesome...

For instance, when my sister Susannah spilled some cereal all over the floor when she was eating one time, and Cat looked at her and rolled her eyes as if to say, "Sheesh... that was the dumbest thing I have ever seen anyone do..." Okay, that's not a very colorful example, but I can't think of any more right now...

Anyway, on her blog Brett keeps a number of quotes from Cat, which I think are awesome, and if you don't, well I don't really care... So here are a number of ones I like... Ladies and gentlemen... Quotable Cat:

"I'm the mommy. You must do what I say.  You must follow my commandments.  I'm also Jesus."

"Oola, bono stee-us.  It's spanish."

(having a headache) "I don't have any thoughts in my head cause my head is broken.  My head ran out of gas."

"This cheese smells like poop."

"Marshmallows are white like the temple is true."

"Being 4 feels better than being 6."

(after disagreeing with a parenting tactic) "We just want a Daddy cause this Mommy's giving us trouble.  Can you send her to a different family that doesn't have a Mommy?"

(holding an inchworm) "Look what I found! He can be our pet.  His name is Skoodle."

"I say 'woo-hoo' when Mommy says 'yes,' 'sure,' or 'mm hmm."

"Princesses are blonde."

Mom: Cat has a cut on her chin.
Cat: Daddy, I have a cut on my chin.
Dad: What happened?
Cat: I got a cut on my chin...
Dad: How did you get the cut?
Cat: Something cut me...


I'm spelling, Mom - what does J-E-T-I spell?

"C-A-T-I-U-E-B-D: Catherine - I spelled it backwards."

(singing) "The sun'll come out, tomorrow - so you gotta hang out with tomorrow..."

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