AndyVentures

Next up, Sub-4!!

Thanks for all the support, texts, calls, facebook comments, etc...

Full report soon...

Pray for me - seriously, I'm gonna need it...

Full reporting after the race...

So I'm driving home from the race (kids don't try this at home) and I wanted to let all seven people who read this I can tell you with absolute certainty that the famous 'Bare-to-Breakers' naked runners (pictured here) ran at exactly an 8:20 pace...

Which by pure coincidence is exactly what I ran...

Twelve kilometers of naked... that's a lot of jiggle...

More pictures to come...

So I know it’s been a while since we’ve had a Kumquats update – but that’s because there really wasn’t anything blog-worthy to happen to us in a while.  Last session we ended as the fourth best team, a far cry from what we’re used to – mainly because four of our five best guys stopped playing with us for different reasons and we’ve had to replace girls like Phoenix bakeries have to replace donuts when Shaq’s in town… (sidenote: what more could happen to a fantastic team? One guy blows out his knee, one guy drops us to work on his dissertation, one guy has to sleep whenever he can because he’s working 80 hours per week because his company fired everyone else, one guy switched teams (no, that’s not euphemism… although if it were we’d have a whole new reason to make fun of him), one of our girls got pregnant and one chased her cheating, lazy-ass leeching chump of a boyfriend to L.A… then to Seattle… I mean really… seriously??) 

Anyway, so we’re back in action now with a revamped team – and by revamped I mean Ryan is playing with us and we had to forfeit our first game because only two girls showed up. Ugh… This is a world wide web call – if you or anyone you know can play soccer consistently on Thursday nights and has woman parts, we need you… email me seriously…

 So the team we played last night was a bunch of kids.  Literally – they all just graduated from high school and the majority of them are going to play in college in some capacity or another… so naturally, after the forfeit, we play 7 (us) vs. 11 + 1,000,000 subs (them) – after they went up 3-0 on about a thousand shots, three guys from 

the other team started playing with us… it’s nice when we can participate in the other team’s intrasquad scrimmage, don’t you think?? 

At any rate, despite all of the whining we had a good time… I got a bunch of shots and felt good, and our two new guys and one new girl did well… I just hope that they had a sufficiently good time to keep coming back, unlike Cassie, who deserted our team this year and showed up on the team we played yesterday with two girls she was going to bring along with her to our team… I think we’re all lucky (but mainly her) that Joe was in an okay mood… 

Oh, and I shouldn’t neglect to mention how Ryan got totally used by an 18-year old blonde girl, shown here… It kinda felt like she should have left the money on the nightstand the way she used him… but we’ll cut him some slack considering he’s never played before… oh wait… no we won’t…

So we were watching The Office yesterday and I won’t ruin it for anyone who hasn’t seen it, (sidenote: there are a lot of hidden gems in these latest epidoes… stuff that you don’t perhaps get right away, but later on you’re like… dude, that was FUNNY – which is why The Office is the greatest comedy on TV today and already up there, just based on seasons 2-4 with the greatest comedies ever… examples from yesterday: geography joke, Kevin’s math, Dwight’s stupid joke and a 34” waist being considered fat… but again, I still want more Creed – totally underutilized character…) but there’s a part where Pam is getting the results of a sprained ankle medical exam and she and Jim are smiling… 

Well, all of us watching jumped to one conclusion and Kellie pops in with “How do you know it’s [insert what we all thought it was here] – how do you know they didn’t find a million dollars up Pam’s butthole…”

I’ll just leave that for you to contemplate… 

 On the way to watch The Office yesterday I stopped by Andy’s as he called me over (the other Andy) to check out his grill… I’ll let you take a look for yourself at why he called me over…

Apparently a cap fell off from a fight he got into a while back... Yeah... good luck with that...

So I was talking to a colleague of mine about the electric/hybrid car (sidenote: as a group the Mag 8 have an ongoing dialogue as to what things we're morally opposed to - mine was tomatoes as well as Derreck Fisher (even before his cheap shot on Scola), Tiff (who keep in mind is 6'+ and married to Joe, 6'4") was morally opposed to tall guys dating/marrying short girls... she calls it a waste of height... anyway, Ashley Waddell was morally opposed to people who drive hybrids because the majority of them are smug and superior - not that helping the environment is a bad thing, but it's her opinion (and I must say that knowing a lot of people who drive hybrids, it's pretty accurate) that people drive them not to save the environment, but so that everyone sees how green they are and people are envious and awe-struck with them... her point is that for the majority of them it's a smug attention-grabber... and I can't agree more... thoughts??)

So it's been a while since I've updated the blog - there are a couple of reasons behind it, all of which involve being lazy on my part (surprise) and the fact that I wanted to give everyone ample time to check out my ORGASSM blog because I think it's a masterpiece (more surprise...)

So its finally here!! Today is the official start of Overtly Rad and Gargantuanly Awesome Summer Season of Movies (ORGASSM), one of the coolest things in the world. (Sidenote: it actually started this morning at 12:01 AM, when Matt, Joe and I went to see Wolverine, which was worth the money and an incredible start to the ORGASSM – it’s a movie that they could make 19 other movies from, and I would sit and watch every single one… And I’ll say this: I had Taco Bell last night after the epic Bulls vs. Celtics game (which could be a totally separate blog entry – greatest first round series EVER) while I watched The Office with Matt and Kell, but you can totally tell that Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds didn’t have any Taco Bell for like a year while training for this movie…)

Anyway, I mean that ORGASSM is one of my absolute favorite things… Seriously, the Big Guy knew what he was doing when he created a special section of our time dedicated only to rad, big-budget popcorn flicks.

The ORGASSM is always MONSTER-EPIC as far as I’m concerned. Even if all the movies suck, the ambience, excitement and pure joy of the shared cultural experience is well worth the hype. We’re talking making sure you get tickets early so they show doesn’t sell out - we’re talking going to midnight shows after soccer games on Thursday and being brain-dead for work on Friday – we’re talking huge popcorn and liters of cherry Coke with free refills that you pass down the aisle. I mean COME ON! It’s ORGASSM for crying out loud!

Anyway, sure, every summer boasts great blockbusters and the hype is always there, as is the pressure to show incredible masterpieces of CGI, animation and high-powered explosives…

But this summer seems to be a little more special, especially to those of us who grew up in the 80’s. I’m talking about two cultural icons coming back – Transformers was introduced to new audiences a few years ago (and did NOT disappoint I should say) and is returning this summer, as is another childhood favorite that, quite frankly, I’m surprised took so long to come out – G.I. Joe. Woot! I really can’t wait…

All of that plus the new translation of Star Trek and the newest Terminator iteration not to mention some of the coolest period movies we’re likely to see and all I can say is YESSS!

But rather than give you ALL the stuff I’m stoked about, I’m going to present a four-month (that’s right, ORGASSM is so great we’ve extended it to four months) schedule of the coolest upcoming films: HELL YEAH! (Sidenote: this is my blog, so there will be omissions – don’t get bent, these are just what I am most excited about – doesn’t mean that Joe – or any of you for that matter – won’t have a fantastic time in whatever vag-tastic movie his little heart just HAS to go see…)

MAY

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1)

Did you ever think that Hugh Jackman is an alien invention, placed down here to study us and report back to his alien overlords? When he came off the assembly line he needed a name, so they picked the most innocuous one they could think of: Jack Human… but then the paperwork got mixed up…**



Star Trek (May 8)

I’ve only seen a few Star Trek episodes, but that doesn’t mean the star fleet academy and all the trappings doesn’t hold my attention – the original Spock is in this movie, and all I can say is that the casting of Sylar to play young Spock is GENIOUS! From the freakin’ trailer you can tell that he’s going to be spot-on…



Terminator: Salvation (May 22)

Yes, Christina Bale went all Tyra Banks on some lowly stage hands, but I don’t care… I love the Terminator movies – along with Star Wars and Indiana Jones the Terminator franchise is in my top three series of all time, and I am WAY TOO EXCITED for this to come out. I love Christian Bale as John Connor – LOVE LOVE LOVE and you read it hear first, he is going to be awesome… I will say I didn’t much care for the third movie, so this has a lot to do to restore my faith in the T series – but with CB, McG directing (yes, I love Chuck) and multiple cameos from Arnold (we’re friends now so I can call him that) I have a lot of expectation for this thing… Plus it opens the day before my birthday, which can we all agree should be a national holiday??



Night at the Museum 2 (May 22)

Yes, I’ll see T4 o Thursday, but you better believe I’ll follow that up with NATM 2 on Friday. I can’t say enough about how much I hope this movie doesn’t suck – its got all the OG characters coming back, which is rad, and add to that the genius of Hank Azaria and the screen candy of Amy Adams and I think you’ve got a winner. Oh, and have I mentioned its set in the Smithsonian, one of my favorite places on Earth?



Up (May 29)

I’ll admit I don’t know a lot about this, but Pixar? Done… Go see it – besides, there’s nothing else opening this weekend… (Sidenote – I couldn’t be more excited for two children’s books to be made into movies just after the OGASSM ends: Where the Wild Things Are (live action, YES!!!) and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs…)



JUNE

Land of the Lost (June 5)

It’s about time Will Ferrell made a non-sports movie – don’t get me wrong, I’ll go see each and every one, but as Matt is so fond of saying, it’s the same movie over and over again… I loved LOTL the original, and WF should be great at playing the bumbling, highly-discredited but loveable paleontologist…



Year One (June 19)

Andy’s IMDB Description: Jack Black (School of Rock; Be Kind, Rewind; et al) and Michael Cera (Arrested Development; Juno; Superbad) take on the roll of many characters in the years BC… and hilarity ensues…



Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June 26)

Wow – seriously what can I say? This movie may have it all – icons from my childhood which should bring back some serious memories of volunteering all summer when I was 9 so my mom would buy me the big, full-set Optimus Prime – Shia is funny (did you ever see the SNL Digital Short Dear Sister? WOW…) and Megan Fox is not only hot, but she finally broke up with that geeky David Silver so I can respect her… I can’t wait for this… really… BTW – do you think Shia became funny as a defense mechanism because so many kids made fun of his name in grade school??



JULY

Public Enemies (July 1)

Is everything that Christian Bale touches awesome? No… Operation Dawn sucked, but that wasn’t his fault… Oh, and there’s another awesome guy in this movie, though I can’t remember his name… something to do with Pirates… It’s been too long since we’ve had an honest-to-Jebus gangster movie (not to be confused with the sometimes good but most of the time not gangsta movies…)



Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 17)

My mom drug me to midnight premier after midnight premier of these movies when I was in Cola Town, and I have to admit, I fell asleep in many of them, but I have to say this looks pretty cool from the previews… and I’ll probably be dragged (willingly perhaps) this time by Steph…



Funny People (July 31)

No, this isn’t a big-budget, special-effects laden movie, but it should be good – we may get to see a cross between Adam Sandler at his funniest (somewhere between his standup and Red Hooded Sweatshirt) and at his finest as an actor (did you ever see Reign Over Me with Don Cheadle?? the guy can bring it…) and Seth Rogan in a more toned-down role should allow him to be funny, but not obnoxious…



G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra (August 7)

So this is the movie I can’t wait for more than any other… it’s got some big names in it (Dennis Quaid) but it’s also got a Persian named Said Taghmaoui, who is incredible in everything he does – and the answer is yes, I am so geeked on this movie that I had to focus on something a little mundane to just keep my fingers from moving and not pass out from pure glee…



Inglorious Bastards (August 21)

Andy’s IMDB Description: Brad Pitt (Fight Club, Ocean’s Eleven, et al) teams with director Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, et al) to portray atrocities committed by a team of Nazi’s… and hilarity ensues…




So there you have it – there are of course lots of other movies that are coming out this summer, but these are MY movies – the ones I’ll be headed to the Thursday midnight premiers of – and if you’re movie isn’t on here, that doesn’t mean I won’t rent it…

**Yes, I stole this… “Good writers borrow from other writers… great writers steal outright…” - Aaron Sorkin