The Biggest Liar

So I've been watching NBC's The Biggest Loser this year - the first year that I've watched it and I've gotten hooked... weird, I know...

Usually I stay away from reality TV, but this show is different - real people changing their lives for the better - I mean, six of these people lost more than 80 pounds in the first 8 weeks - that's insane! And awesome - I mean being healthy is way important, and these people are anything but when they enter the Ranch - it's really and truly an inspiration.

And then they go and do this: this past week the dude that got kicked off, Dane, lost 100 freakin' pounds the first 8 weeks - I mean, tell me that ain't something inspirational! But then NBC decides to do something like this:

At the end of the show there's a "where-are-they-now" segment that chronicles the off-Ranch success of the presently-eliminated. During this segment they showed Dane, now only 300+ pounds instead of his pre-show weight of 412, finishing the Desert Classic Marathon in Pheonix in an incredible 3:53. What?!



Now I'm not that competitive when it comes to marathoning - I'm not really a runner - but do it for the sense of accomplishment that comes at the end, and the peace that comes after running hard and giving everything of yourself in dedication to an activity that's as ancient as athletics itself. I finished my first marathon in 3:58.40, in supremely better shape than I am now, at 6'2" and about 180, I was in prime shape to run. The fact that this dude finished his in 3:53.40 made me want to give up and quit - if I can't finish faster than that, I have no business running. Seriously...

But as it turns out, a van picked Dane and his wife up at mile 17 and drove them to the finish line (this is chronicled by several people who were at the small race and the fact that Dane and the Mrs. aren't listed in the race results.) Are you kidding me? Why in the world would they say he FINISHED at all, much less give him an incredible time like that? They could very easily have said "Dane finished the marathon" (and let him finish, if he could) or "Dane finished a half marathon" (which he did and is an incredible feat as it is) or "Dane is training for a marathon" or anything along those lines. But no, they said he finished in an incredible 3:53.40.

Ugh. Yes, I'll still watch the show, but let's just say that the one reality show I like (well, that's not true - have you ever seen Hell's Kitchen or Project Runway? Both great shows...man, I'm kind of a junky...) but this really is a prime example of the way the producers can absolutely manipulate the audience... and this time it belittles everyone who's ever FINISHED a marathon - making it look that easy... let me tell you something: it's not...

Sleep Rituals...

So lately I've been having some trouble getting and staying asleep - I think a lot of that has to do with the job search and the fact that now I've passed the part of the post-election process where I'm enjoying being lazy and doing nothing and have now entered the part where I'm bored out of my mind and desperately want something meaningful to get back to.

So night after night I kinda dread going to bed - until last night, when I got the first good night's sleep that I've had in a good long time. I won't bore you with the details of how I've been not sleeping or how I've been waking up every 30 minutes, suffice it to say that the night before last I thought my sheets were fire. No, they weren't hot or ON fire - they WERE fire... weird I know...

So regardless of the reason, I haven't had much luck in the sleep department - I had a friend text me the other night asking what to do if Tylenol PM didn't work (and yes, I've tried that too, and it hasn't been working like it's supposed to...) and that got me thinking about all kinds of sleep-related things - how important it is to our lives, how relaxing or frustrating an activity it can be depending on if you're getting it or not, and what we do to actual fall asleep... our sleep rituals...

I haven't deviated much from my sleep ritual - usually I'll start getting read for bed at midnight - use the bathroom, brush my teeth, pour a glass of milk and settle into bed with a book. I read a few chapters as I drink my milk and then when my eyes start to get heavy, I put the book down and turn off the light. After that I lay on my right side in an elongated fetal position, always on the left side of the bed. This is also my prayer position - I know, I know - I should kneel while praying, but this is my habit... sue me... After a few minutes I give in and lay on my stomach with my right arm outstretched onto the other side of the bed, my left arm under the pillow, and I gradually fall asleep.

So my question to ya'll is - what is your sleep ritual? And what do you do when it doesn't work?

Andy Needs...

So I got this idea from my cousin Stacey -

Google your name and the word "needs" and see what comes up - this is what I got (and yes, this is the ultimate in unemployed boredom...)

1. A BAD girl to find his focus and replace Mandy
Well, really - who doesn't need a bad girl?

2. To pee
Seriously... but going ten times a day is normal, right??

3. To park his car in the garage
Nope, no garage...

4. A big juicy hug
Really, who couldn't use a hug?

5. To peruse self-help books
I'm not quite sure what they could give me, but it couldnt' hurt I suppose...

6. More cow bell
I think everything is better with more cowbell...

7. New guy friends
Nah, I like the guy friends I have already... even though they are a bunch of panty-waists

8. Mind power to conquer the jungle
Mind power-schmind power - I don't need nothin' to conquer the jungle - every day baby

9. Sympathy - GIVE ME SYMPATHY
I have no idea what I need sympathy for, but if it takes the form of a good sandwich, I'm in...

10. A better lie
I don't lie - either that or I'm a very good liar - I can't remember which...

My 100th Mile

So as the majority of you know, I'm training for the San Diego Rock'n'Roll Marathon on May 31 of this year. This will be my second marathon, after the Marine Corps Marathon back in 2005, after which I swore I would never run another marathon ever again.

I mean really, if God wanted us to go that far he would have invented horses or oxen or the wheel... Oh wait, he did...

But after reading glamorizing articles in Runner's World and realizing that I was going to have a lot of time on my hands to train, I decided what the hey... I was going to run another one, and I might as well run one that is consistently in the top-10 marathons in the country, which are as follows:

1. Boston
2. NYC
3. Marine Corps
4. Honolulu
5. Chicago
6. SD Rock'n'Roll
7. Walt Disney World
8. Maui
9. Grandma's
10. St. George (really??)

And I think I'll do the Disney World one next, if I don't swear them off again, which I'm sure I will...

Anywho, on Sunday I did a 10-mile training run, and since it was gross outside I did it on the treadmill. Do you have any idea how boring ten miles on a treadmill is? Word of advice - don't try it, you might keel over from shear will to not live...

But I did take an important step - with that run I crossed the 100 miles point of my marathon training. You can see the progress on my widget to the right... now just another 325 or so to go before the main event! Woot!!

If You're Going to California... Drive Slowly (or, How I Learned to Further Hate the California Legislature)

So this time I mean it - I'm going to keep updating - almost every day, so check back and there's guaranteed to be something here. Today it's my beef with a speeding ticket I got back in October 2008.

Okay, so the beef isn't exactly with the ticket, but with the State of California and the stupid laws the legislature decides to enact, furthering my contempt for them and all local elected officials - let's just leave aside the budget deficit and the fact that they don't actually do anything productive - anytime there's actually something important that needs to happen, they pass the buck and decide to let the referenda do the talking... ugh...

So back in October I got a speeding ticket - totally deserved, so we'll just leave that part aside. My court date was set for the week before Christmas, and since I was going to be in SC and GA that week, I decided to call and see what the fine was - it was $187, but since I was going to be unemployed when I got back, I called to get my court date changed to when I was going to be here, after January 1.

So I went to court, listened to the judge tell me I had an extraordinary driving record (that's right - CLEAN baby...) and then tell me my fine was going to be reduced to $35. SWEET right?

Ugh... Let me illustrate for you what the legislature has done for us... I'm just gonna go ahead and list everything as it's written out on my receipt...

Base Fine..............................................................$35.00
Base Fine Rounded to Nearest $10................................$40.00

STATE PENALTY ($10) for Every $10................................$40.00
COUNTY PENALTY ($7) for Every $10...............................$28.00
FACILITIES PENALTY ($5) for Every $10.............................$20.00
Surcharge (20% Base Fine).............................................$8.00

Sub Total..............................................................$131.00

DNA Fee ($2) for Every $10...........................................$8.00
DMV Fee.................................................................$10.00
EMSADD Fee ($2) for Every $10.......................................$8.00
Court Security Fee......................................................$20.00
Conviction Assessment - per convicted charge....................$35.00

Fine Total.............................................................$212.00

That's right - because I waited until after January to go to court and pay the reduced fine, I ended up paying $212.00 on a $187.00 ticket. What really gets me though is that the fines are regressive - what kind of sense does that make? Why would the courts make a law passed on January 1 applicable to tickets received three months prior to the law being passed?

Ugh... California is great, despite the legislature screwing every nickel and dime out of their citizens... I mean, I'm all for paying my fair share to ensure head start programs, school lunches, giving people a hand, but to pay because our elected officials don't know or care to balance a budget? Give me a freaking break...

Viva La Rat Trap!

So, yes - I know it's been quite awhile since my last blog - 41 days to be exact... and a lot has happened since then - I've been unemployed (finally), we ate at Ruth's Chris (delicious), and we had a Superbowl party with way too much food - see left - ... among other things like Kellie getting preggers, the Kumquats losing the championship on my bonehead play, lots of snowboarding and me still being unemployed...

Anyway, I am getting back to it - and I'm starting fresh today with my sandwich experience in Newcastle... yep...

My friend Alicia, who is as into sandwiches aparently as much as I am (If you like sandwiches, come roll with me...) turned me on to this little place in Newcastle called the Cheese Shop, and told me I should get (sic - DEMANDED that I get) something called the Rat Trap -

So I decided to go on an adventure today and head out to Newcastle, being the unemployed adventurer (sic - bored) young man with a mustache that I am. I ordered one Rat Trap on Dutch Crunch Bread (as per my instructions) but I happened to negotiate with Alicia to not get the veggies on it - so no lettuce tomato or onion - and I gotta say it was pretty damn good.

We're talking ham, turkey and roast beef with jalapeno jack and cheddar cheese on some really tasty bread that I've never had before and can't quite describe...

So I sat in the place, taking in the local folks and all... enjoying my afternoon... oh to be unemployed...

Su-Su-Superbowl

So of course on Sunday we had our second yearly (not annual, thanks to Crystal and my copy-editing class...) Superbowl Party.

This year we had it at the Waddell's because let's face it - they make the best food - including tri-tip... We had all the fare there - three kinds of wings provided by yours truly (I also brought the soda - the theme of which was "fruit", and you'd be amazed at how many fruit-flavored sodas there are out there); the previously-mentioned tri-tip, which Ryan so graciously sacrificed his eyebrows and arm hair to make; a dozen different kinds of chips; seven-layer dip, that Ashley left off a corner of the tomatoes from the top just for me; deviled eggs; bacon and chocolate ice cream (yes, you heard me right, and no, it doesn't taste better than it sounds no matter what Ashley's dad says); pigs in a blanket; veggie and relish trays; and my wonderful chocolate chip cookie cake.

It was a blast - we were all a little let down that Arizona didn't pull it off - I mean, why NOT go for the underdog, but it was a good game, especially the second half and let's face it - the Superbowl is for food anyway, not the game - and we had to roll ourselves out of there if that's any indication of just how good things were.

Some indelible images from the evening:

This is us trying the chocolate ice cream with bacon and nuts - and like I said, it's every bit as gross as it sounds - apparently Ashley's sister Courtney thought it would be nice to send her dad his favorite ice cream mixed with his favorite breakfast pork product. He insisted that he liked it, but I think that was for show - I mean, granted I'm a picky eater, but how could anyone find that appealing? Courtney - that's just weird...

The Mag 8 with our 3-D glasses - yes, the 3-D stuff was pretty dissapointing, but at least it was a little bit fun... and we kinda felt like we were back in the 50's...

I know this is going to shock all readers, but yes, Kellie fell asleep toward the end of the night... strange...