Andy's Summer Movie Preview and Schedule Extravaganza!!

So its finally here!! Today is the official start of Overtly Rad and Gargantuanly Awesome Summer Season of Movies (ORGASSM), one of the coolest things in the world. (Sidenote: it actually started this morning at 12:01 AM, when Matt, Joe and I went to see Wolverine, which was worth the money and an incredible start to the ORGASSM – it’s a movie that they could make 19 other movies from, and I would sit and watch every single one… And I’ll say this: I had Taco Bell last night after the epic Bulls vs. Celtics game (which could be a totally separate blog entry – greatest first round series EVER) while I watched The Office with Matt and Kell, but you can totally tell that Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds didn’t have any Taco Bell for like a year while training for this movie…)

Anyway, I mean that ORGASSM is one of my absolute favorite things… Seriously, the Big Guy knew what he was doing when he created a special section of our time dedicated only to rad, big-budget popcorn flicks.

The ORGASSM is always MONSTER-EPIC as far as I’m concerned. Even if all the movies suck, the ambience, excitement and pure joy of the shared cultural experience is well worth the hype. We’re talking making sure you get tickets early so they show doesn’t sell out - we’re talking going to midnight shows after soccer games on Thursday and being brain-dead for work on Friday – we’re talking huge popcorn and liters of cherry Coke with free refills that you pass down the aisle. I mean COME ON! It’s ORGASSM for crying out loud!

Anyway, sure, every summer boasts great blockbusters and the hype is always there, as is the pressure to show incredible masterpieces of CGI, animation and high-powered explosives…

But this summer seems to be a little more special, especially to those of us who grew up in the 80’s. I’m talking about two cultural icons coming back – Transformers was introduced to new audiences a few years ago (and did NOT disappoint I should say) and is returning this summer, as is another childhood favorite that, quite frankly, I’m surprised took so long to come out – G.I. Joe. Woot! I really can’t wait…

All of that plus the new translation of Star Trek and the newest Terminator iteration not to mention some of the coolest period movies we’re likely to see and all I can say is YESSS!

But rather than give you ALL the stuff I’m stoked about, I’m going to present a four-month (that’s right, ORGASSM is so great we’ve extended it to four months) schedule of the coolest upcoming films: HELL YEAH! (Sidenote: this is my blog, so there will be omissions – don’t get bent, these are just what I am most excited about – doesn’t mean that Joe – or any of you for that matter – won’t have a fantastic time in whatever vag-tastic movie his little heart just HAS to go see…)

MAY

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1)

Did you ever think that Hugh Jackman is an alien invention, placed down here to study us and report back to his alien overlords? When he came off the assembly line he needed a name, so they picked the most innocuous one they could think of: Jack Human… but then the paperwork got mixed up…**



Star Trek (May 8)

I’ve only seen a few Star Trek episodes, but that doesn’t mean the star fleet academy and all the trappings doesn’t hold my attention – the original Spock is in this movie, and all I can say is that the casting of Sylar to play young Spock is GENIOUS! From the freakin’ trailer you can tell that he’s going to be spot-on…



Terminator: Salvation (May 22)

Yes, Christina Bale went all Tyra Banks on some lowly stage hands, but I don’t care… I love the Terminator movies – along with Star Wars and Indiana Jones the Terminator franchise is in my top three series of all time, and I am WAY TOO EXCITED for this to come out. I love Christian Bale as John Connor – LOVE LOVE LOVE and you read it hear first, he is going to be awesome… I will say I didn’t much care for the third movie, so this has a lot to do to restore my faith in the T series – but with CB, McG directing (yes, I love Chuck) and multiple cameos from Arnold (we’re friends now so I can call him that) I have a lot of expectation for this thing… Plus it opens the day before my birthday, which can we all agree should be a national holiday??



Night at the Museum 2 (May 22)

Yes, I’ll see T4 o Thursday, but you better believe I’ll follow that up with NATM 2 on Friday. I can’t say enough about how much I hope this movie doesn’t suck – its got all the OG characters coming back, which is rad, and add to that the genius of Hank Azaria and the screen candy of Amy Adams and I think you’ve got a winner. Oh, and have I mentioned its set in the Smithsonian, one of my favorite places on Earth?



Up (May 29)

I’ll admit I don’t know a lot about this, but Pixar? Done… Go see it – besides, there’s nothing else opening this weekend… (Sidenote – I couldn’t be more excited for two children’s books to be made into movies just after the OGASSM ends: Where the Wild Things Are (live action, YES!!!) and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs…)



JUNE

Land of the Lost (June 5)

It’s about time Will Ferrell made a non-sports movie – don’t get me wrong, I’ll go see each and every one, but as Matt is so fond of saying, it’s the same movie over and over again… I loved LOTL the original, and WF should be great at playing the bumbling, highly-discredited but loveable paleontologist…



Year One (June 19)

Andy’s IMDB Description: Jack Black (School of Rock; Be Kind, Rewind; et al) and Michael Cera (Arrested Development; Juno; Superbad) take on the roll of many characters in the years BC… and hilarity ensues…



Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June 26)

Wow – seriously what can I say? This movie may have it all – icons from my childhood which should bring back some serious memories of volunteering all summer when I was 9 so my mom would buy me the big, full-set Optimus Prime – Shia is funny (did you ever see the SNL Digital Short Dear Sister? WOW…) and Megan Fox is not only hot, but she finally broke up with that geeky David Silver so I can respect her… I can’t wait for this… really… BTW – do you think Shia became funny as a defense mechanism because so many kids made fun of his name in grade school??



JULY

Public Enemies (July 1)

Is everything that Christian Bale touches awesome? No… Operation Dawn sucked, but that wasn’t his fault… Oh, and there’s another awesome guy in this movie, though I can’t remember his name… something to do with Pirates… It’s been too long since we’ve had an honest-to-Jebus gangster movie (not to be confused with the sometimes good but most of the time not gangsta movies…)



Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 17)

My mom drug me to midnight premier after midnight premier of these movies when I was in Cola Town, and I have to admit, I fell asleep in many of them, but I have to say this looks pretty cool from the previews… and I’ll probably be dragged (willingly perhaps) this time by Steph…



Funny People (July 31)

No, this isn’t a big-budget, special-effects laden movie, but it should be good – we may get to see a cross between Adam Sandler at his funniest (somewhere between his standup and Red Hooded Sweatshirt) and at his finest as an actor (did you ever see Reign Over Me with Don Cheadle?? the guy can bring it…) and Seth Rogan in a more toned-down role should allow him to be funny, but not obnoxious…



G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra (August 7)

So this is the movie I can’t wait for more than any other… it’s got some big names in it (Dennis Quaid) but it’s also got a Persian named Said Taghmaoui, who is incredible in everything he does – and the answer is yes, I am so geeked on this movie that I had to focus on something a little mundane to just keep my fingers from moving and not pass out from pure glee…



Inglorious Bastards (August 21)

Andy’s IMDB Description: Brad Pitt (Fight Club, Ocean’s Eleven, et al) teams with director Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, et al) to portray atrocities committed by a team of Nazi’s… and hilarity ensues…




So there you have it – there are of course lots of other movies that are coming out this summer, but these are MY movies – the ones I’ll be headed to the Thursday midnight premiers of – and if you’re movie isn’t on here, that doesn’t mean I won’t rent it…

**Yes, I stole this… “Good writers borrow from other writers… great writers steal outright…” - Aaron Sorkin