So this morning in my personal email in-box I get a link from my cousin, Chris/James (sidenote: I’ve always called him Chris but over the last few years, I think since he got married – Alicia – he’s been calling himself James… Not that I’m blaming her or anything, I mean she’s pretty rad, and for all I know he was calling himself that before… of course, you should have seen some of the hairdo’s that kid (yes, he’s older than me) had before he got married to… so if the name is part and parcel of the whole changed package, I’m in…)
Anyhoo… the link attached to a Final Four-type bracket that lists all of the extended family members engaged in a smackdown and who would come out on top… and naturally I made it to the finals… only to be beaten by Joyce, or as I’ve been calling her for awhile now… Mom…
So I decided to concoct my own mini-tourney of the Mag 8 – you seven who read me have been reading about the players for a while and now is the chance to get to know them a little better… The seeding is as follows:
- Joe
- Matt
- Andy
- Ryan
- Kellie
- Tiff
- Steph
- Ashley
Now you’ll look at the bracket and notice that I’m taking on Kellie instead of Ryan who’s numerically supposed to – that’s because like the real Final Four, two players from the same conference (read: relationship) can’t meet until the finals… Now let’s see how things play out…
**ROUND ONE**
Joe (1) vs. Ashley (8) 
In perhaps the most lopsided of the opening matches, akin to UNC vs. Northern Minnesota Institute for the Blind, Joe uses his superior size, experience and grit to pummel Ashley, who truth be told took one look at Joe and promptly exited stage left, leaving Joe standing victorious without throwing a punch… she then collected her fleece blanket so she could sit comfortably in the stands with some extra padding on the hard bleachers…
Matt (2) vs. Steph (7) 
In another one-sided bout, Matt comes through with a convincing win, spurred on by his wife who is yelling at him to “Finish her” and “Sweep the leg” even though Matt feels sorry for Steph, who remembered to bring her Mickey Mouse ears to the fight, but forgot her glasses so she couldn’t see what she was swinging at…
Andy (3) vs. Kellie (5) 
In the first upset of the day, a preggers and therefore hormonal Kellie augments her already hyper-competitive nature as she remembers all the board-game beat-downs leveled at her by yours truly – add that to her hours of time watching everything MMA and what you’re left with is a white-hot rage personified that can ground and pound… the fight lasts all of three seconds, and your blogger extraordinaire never stood a chance…
Ryan (4) vs. Tiff (6) 
This, expectedly so, is the closest match of the first round – Tiff with her superior height and keen knowledge of the human anatomy (you have to study the human body in art…) knows how to hurt a man… Ryan with his athleticism and bid-like bones tries to use his leaping ability, but falls short as he just can’t quite get past Tiff and her 6’1 wingspan. Ryan also makes a tactical error by taunting and teasing Tiff about Twilight… which does not go over well… Tiff takes the opportunity to trounce Ryan, hitting him over the head with the Twilight four-book boxset as the final blow…
TUNE IN FOR ROUND TWO TOMORROW!!
8 comments:
This is great. I'm glad to see my hard work is paying off in other arenas. I love the play by play.
BTW: I want to see YOUR version of a Whitlock Cage Match - play by play would be pretty awesome too.
I will kick Kellie's Ass! (without hurting the baby). Probably an arm bar.
Joe
Seriously you are killing me. That was HILARIOUS! I really am LOL! I am so glad that I was victorious in my match up with Ryan.
C/J - Yes, I will work on some Whitlock play-by-play, though with as many of us as there are, it may take a little while - but much props for the idea!
J - I think you stand a fighting chance - we'll just have to see how it plays out...
T - Make sure not to get too cocky just yet... that was a nice win, but you're going to need to concentrate going into the match with Matt...
Dear Andy:
First of all, you could have picked a better picture of me. Seriously!!!
Second, why did you put me against Joe?!!! I think that match was the most unfair of the whole group!! He is like 5 times bigger than I am!
Third, let’s just make it clear that the girls hardly ever win at the games so making me lose in this game only deepens my animosity for the boys when it comes to games.
Fourth, I am more competitive than you make me out to be. Simply giving up and sitting down is not me. You could have given me some sort of weapon to make things a bit more even. Perhaps some Chinese throwing stars, a can of mace or brass knuckles would have helped
Fifth, the blanket is the only thing that would be accurate. After I beat Joe I would have sat down with the blanket and basked in my glorious win!
Ash - If you'll notice, they're goofy pictures of all of us, so why wouldn't I make yours just a tad but goofy as well... come to think of it, yours is one of the most normal looking...
And the reason you got matched up with Joe is because you are the 8 seed and he is the 1 seed, so obviously it's going to be lopsided, but only a little more so than Matt (2) vs. Steph (7)...
You may have a point when it comes to the competitiveness, but then again Joe is a professionally-trained fighter and I doubt you've ever seen his "Go" face... therefore I stick by my commentary...
I can't wait to see what happens in round two......who knows you might just have a side job in sports commentary if the new job gets too boring for you!
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