Friday Funnies

Back from hiatus, here it is, you're weekly dose of all things awesome and hilarious (to me... cause it' my blog... If you find it funny or exceptional, all the better, but this is MINE and I think it's awesome so that really all that matters according to my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Keck...)

I've eaten here - they're liars*

(*depending on your measurements)

Lesson: Learn new methods of occupying yourself after they take your cats away...

John throws terrible birthday parties...

There's something to be said for the undersensationalization of the news media

Get Middler or die tryin'...

DELICIOUS!

Chester demonstrated exactly how he would meet her, given the chance...

Cadaver sniffing dogs? Oh wait, nevermind - I see what you mean now...

And lastly, aspire to awesomeness!

Now be gone with you, and seek happy nights through happy days...

Take it away, Mr. Dylan...

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Snippets of Overheard Breakfast Conversation

Keep in mind these are just snippets, and I made absolutely none of this up...

Here's a picture of the players:

"How did he get two DUIs in one night? Was he was so drunk they gave him two DUIs?"

"I've know Fernando for four years, better than anyone else has know him, and he's never been like this, he just started acting like this again."

"He's getting all these tattoos and we were supposed to be getting married, but now it's like, I don't know, he's becoming too American..."

"Good for him for going snowboarding, that's what he's supposed to do, but don't be thinking that you're all, like, the sh** for it and getting big head."

"I embrace him like my little brother because he plays real good and I don't care, but who plays soccer like that is a good kid."

"I never liked that motherf*****. He been, like, acting like he's got a big head and sh**, but someone should tell him it's just normal-sized."

"How can we even get married if we not even together right now? I'm no marrying him, that would be helping him, and I no marrying him to help him out, like when all he does is talk sh** and then I talk sh** and it's just no good right now."

"He don't normally do that, but when he got into the car, he just don't give a sh** about anything" (INTERRUPTING) "I'm 37 years old, I never drink and drive in my life!"

(AFTER PHONE CALL) Another earthquake in Japan... 7.4 this time. That's bad. Okay, bottom line it sucks he has to go back to Mexico."

"Look, he'll always have a job at the taco stand if the judge don't throw him out, alls I'm worried about it how is he affording to drink beer?"

"I want to marry him, I might be willing to. I mean, he's only left me that one time and now his dad started the paper for him to stay here - he could show the judge, 'Look, I been in this country four years and had no problems."

And just like that, [POOF] they were gone...

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Oh, You Crazy Grandma...

Is that what these films are about? A woman who puts an extra letter on the ends of things? Is that why these films are so popular? If start having characters saying "Have a nice dayp" then can I get an overall protected five-picture deal with Warner Brothers and a cameo in Star Trek?

Will knowing I can be more creative than this always hurt this much?

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