Survivor, Cookie Challenge and NATIONAL FREAKING LASAGNA DAY!

Here are three vidoes...

One is from Matt and my Survivor Audition

One is from our annual obstacle course

One is in honor of National Lasagna Day...

I'll let you decide which is which...

And for those of you who don't like videos, I have a little something just for you at the end of this post...

And, just as promised... here's a picture of a bear wearing a snuggie...

Boop! Plane! Acid Dingo Spit!

(Yeah, I don't know... couldn't really figure out a way to end this post so that's what you get...)

Letter Wednesday...

So I have the Friday Funnies, and now I'm going to start posting a mid-week blog gimmick called "Letter Wednesday..." If you can't figure out what this is by the end of this post, please stop reading my blog (or, as you probably see it, spot earding my glob)

Dear Tiny Flying Bugs:

You are not nearly important enough to be present in such large numbers... I don't know what God was thinking when He made you, but He was wrong.. Unless His goal was to annoy me as much as possible - then He'd be pretty much right on...

What do you even do aside from finding new and creative ways to get into my eyes?

You realize that you are flying around in a swarm for no particular reason, right? What I am saying is that it's not necessary to get together with all your friends and fly around as fast as you can while turning randomly... That's right, you don't need to do that anymore...

Okay, I have just been informed by my Google Machine that there actually is a point to your "activities" and that what you're doing is called a "mating swarm" which is entirely inappropriate to do in public...

Please do not "mating swarm" in my eyes anymore...

-Andy

I AM THE CHAMPION

I got this trophy from my Sunday School class on Sunday - "Best Use of Prop Comedy by a Sockless Sunday School Teacher"

Awesome, right?

I won that, and that made me feel good...

But then I got to thinking...

"Hey, Andy, you win things every day..."

Does that mean I'm awesome?

Probably...

But it also means that I am really good at coming up with totally arbitrary challenges for myself... That's right - I make up contests in my head just so that I can win them and feel good about myself...

For example:

If I change my blog layout and everyone says it flows nicely - I win...

If I guess what time it is and I am even reasonably close to the actual time - I win...

If I can hold my breath for a whole minute - I win...

If I meet someone and I try to guess their name before they tell me what it is and it turns out that their name starts with the same letter as the name I guessed - I win...

Then, if I space out because I am thinking about how much I won and I suddenly realize that I have no idea what the other person is talking about and that they just finished a sentence and their voice kind of went up at the end which means that they asked me a question and now they expect me to answer and I say "yes" because I figure that is a pretty common answer and the person doesn't notice that I wasn't listening because "yes" was the answer they were looking for - I win...

If I can find a matching pair of socks - I win... I win double if I can do it in under a minute...

If I'm at lunch and I finish my hamburger before everyone else at the table - I win...

If I'm eating potato chips and I find a chip that is folded over on itself - I win... If I find two folded chips in a row, I win and I also get good luck for nine whole years...

If I look at a clock and it happens to be exactly something o'clock and zero seconds- I win... If the clock is a repeat digit hour:minute, think 12:12, I win AND I get to make a wish...

If I type twenty words in a row without hitting backspace - I win...

If I pick up a deck of cards and yell "clubs!" and then draw a card and it isn't a club - I don't win, but I will yell "clubs!" again and keep picking cards until I pick the right suit and then I win...

If I am walking on a sidewalk and I manage not to step on even a single crack - I win... And my mother's back remains unbroken, so she wins too... And when my mom wins, I win, so that means I win double! Heyyyoooooooo!

If I buy something and it costs an even dollar amount - I win... even though I'm probably using my debit card and it doesn't matter if it costs an even dollar amount... You should definitely get store credit for checking out with an even dollar amount...

If I close my eyes and throw a wadded up piece of paper at my office mate and I hit him - I win... If I hit him in the face, I win double... If he gets all pissed off and says "stop it," I win because I guessed he was going to say that ahead of time and I was right...

If I wake up in the morning and I really have to pee and when I pee, I pee for longer than I have ever peed before (at least on record) - I win... (I may be the only person in the world who keeps records of how long they can pee, but look at it this way: you don't get to win as much as me, do you? I bet that puts it in perspective...)

If I got for a run and no cars pass me, I win... Like yesterday I ran on a long, straight stretch of road before turning off onto a different road - just before I turned off on the other road, I heard a car coming up behind me and I realized that it was the first car I'd seen on that particular stretch of road... I immediately thought "I can't let it pass me because if I make it to the end of this road without getting passed by a single car, I win!"

I started sprinting so that I could beat the car to the end of the road...

Other people walking on the road looked at me weird and then the driver of the car looked at me weird too, but none of that mattered because I won!

This all may seem silly until you consider that I get to be a champion on a daily - sometime hourly - basis... In fact, I probably won more stuff than anyone else today, so I win again!

Winning is easy when you put your mind to it! Sometimes I think I should become an inspirational speaker and try to enrich the lives of others with my winning ways...

And then I realize that if everyone else was winning as much as me, I may be in jeopardy of losing at winning the most...

Then I give up on helping people and simply devote the rest of my life to winning as much as possible...

Banana.

Guess what that was?

If you guessed a contest in which I challenged myself to integrate the word "banana" into the end of a blog post, you are right! You win!

And I win because I said banana...